The last days are starting to be more difficult as we prepare to send Masha back to the Ukraine. The preparations to send her home are very saddening. As we shop for things all our kids have without even thinking about we know it is possible that we may not see this little girl again. It is evident everyone in the house is feeling this pressure. I had to walk away from something as simple as buying a hand towel to send back with her. Every small task we do like this brings us closer to her leaving still not knowing what the future holds. We can only hope and have faith that things turn out the best for all that are involved.
We have seen our first strong emotions from Masha and almost a sense of panic. I had not discussed that I would not be able to take her to the airport, so when we got a couple of quiet seconds where we could I took the opportunity. I really thought it would go uneventful and was I wrong. As soon as I started the conversation she got tears in her eyes and the more I tried to console her the worse it got until we had some full blown tears. I felt terrible and helpless at the same time. I did not expect this reaction just about me. It took us a couple of hours to recover, but the rest of the day got better with some shoe shopping therapy. We have also noticed an urgency from her to get things done. She is especially worried about getting pictures with everyone. She asks Liz daily when she will print them all. Our other moment was today at tennis with the help of our tennis coach translating some last minute stuff for us. Liz, Masha, and Marina all had tears in their eyes. It got a lot more than I think Masha wanted to handle so she took the girls and headed off to the car. I know what she is feeling cause I hid in the corner to avoid any real eye contact or might have lost it as well. She has got tears in her eyes several times today. Not real crying, but I can tell she is looking at Carley and Keira already feeling very sad. She even had a period of the day when she shut down completely to us. I could never get her tell me what was wrong, but with some time at home and some encouragement from Liz she was back to herself. I wish I knew what to do for her, but I am not even very good at it when my little girls cry. I want so much to pick her up like I would my girls pat her on the back and tell her I will make everything better. The problem with that is so much is out of my control I may not be able to make things better. We all just reassure her that she is special to us and will always be loved by our family.
I only have a measly 3 days left with Masha before the girls head down to Dallas. I did not know how much this experience would impact my views on life so much after doing it. I would not say it has been so much eye opening as much as I will say it has been a heart opening. I will not pretend that Masha is part of my heart as much as my two little girls currently are, but she has taken up residency in part of it and I love her very much. I am sure over time that bond will grow even more so even though I know it will be roller coaster at times. I also think nah sayers will come around as well as the get to know Masha. The one thing I am confident our family has enough of for Masha is love, and I think some one said once, "All You Need is Love."
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