Sorry if Anyone is Offended

     There is a saying frequently said to Liz and I to bring comfort that actually bothers me quite a bit.  This is not meant to offend anyone, and if you disagree I will not think less of anyone. In fact there is a small amount of scripture that might actually support an opposing view or even entire denominations that follow Calvinistic teachings. The saying, that can be put many different ways is, "It is all in God's plan."  Spin as many ways as you want, but that is the just of it.  As we have progressed through the trials and tribulations with Masha we have heard this at least a hundred times now.  Every time I hear this I absolutely cringe inside, but attempt to keep a calm exterior because I know someone is just really attempting to be thoughtful.  It bothers me to think of God, that sent his only Son to die for our sins, is playing us like puppets or chess pieces.    So if it is true that we have a predestined path to follow, then God creates all the; hurt, suffering, disease, starvation, murder, etc. that we experience, and we have no responsibility for our own actions.  In fact why even attend church if He has already predestined who is and who is not going to heaven.  I know I am taking this a little to the extreme to make a point, but why would God purposefully put any child in an orphanage or give them a glimpse of the family they could have then take it away? To continue that though why would He take the most amazing mom from a son and leave a gaping whole in family that needed her?  I will not pretend to think that I know what God is thinking,  I just do not see Him, "the God who so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16 being that kind of God.  I do not see Him like the person that dangles a carrot in front of the donkey just to get him to walk and then takes it away when they arrive at their destination. 
      In fact I believe quite the opposite.  Every disease, hurt, murder, abortion, or what ever you can come up with was in fact caused by man's decisions.  I think even atheist will agree that man's inherent nature is sinful depending on how you define sin.   Every road block, hiccup, or heart ache we have received through this process is not a God thing, it is a glowing example of man's corrupt selfish nature.   Now do I think God answers prayers, Yes. Do I think miracles happen, Yes.  Do I believe he left us here to rot and kill each other, No.   However, without freewill to make our own choices evil, good, or indifferent it takes away the reason God created man, which was to have fellowship with Him.  I am not sure about you, but I have never had much fellowship with a puppet. Now I do think God has a plan, but we choose or do not choose to be part of it.  We chose to have fellowship with Him, we chose to follow the teachings of the Bible, and then He decides if our heart really is were we confess it to be and allows us into heaven.  I will leave a few scriptures that I think mostly deal with predestination vs. freewill, but I think they apply to the God has a plan theory.  Feel free to comment or even disagree.

He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-- John 1:10-12 NIV

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. Titus 2:11.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Matthew 28:19 NIV


 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.  Hebrews 11:6




Please excuse all the Grammar mistakes as my Editor is at Gymnastics with my Girls.



 

"Decisions become easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world."

     Now that the dust has settled and all the quasi facts are on the table, Liz and I have some big decisions to make as a family.  So, by now we know Masha was never registered to be adopted in the first place.  It was a big mix up in how her name was spelled, and everyone wants to pass the buck that it is not their fault.  We know that she will be registered next Tuesday, November 8th.   To adopt anyone from Ukraine you have to wait 12 months after they are registered so it gives people in Ukraine the chance to have first pick.  Another fact is Masha turns 16 in March, which technically times her out of adoption age unless we travel to the Ukraine in Jan. or Feb. to submit a form to the U.S. Embassy that we want to adopt her.  Pending that decision, which we have heard there is no guarantee they will say yes, we can proceed to try this process all over again. Then starting around May or June we have to redo all the paperwork we have already done including a revised home study. Then if adoptions are not shut down or by some miracle everything goes as planned we can go back this time of year next year to get her.
     The hard part now is deciding what we are going to do.  Right now we are mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  We have put everything we have into making this happen just to have it come crumbling down.   A very big part of us really wants to throw in the towel.  We are concerned we do not have the energy to do this all over again.  We also worry about Masha's age.  Masha will be very close to 17 if not 17 by the time we can get her.  Liz and I were already worried about getting Masha adjusted to school and through it at 16, but losing another 1.5 years seems to really stack things against us all.  We are also concerned what will happen to her development wise in that amount of time. There is a big difference between the maturity of 15 and 17 year old.  Even as I type this those 2 reasons seem very selfish, but are very real.  This has already been quite the interruption to our family.  We expected a certain amount of trials and tribulations when we hosted Masha then proceeded to adopt, but right now we are exceeding the threshold of what can be dealt with.
   On the other side there is a precious little girl in Ukraine that we love very much.  I know everyone has their hosting experience, but we had THE hosting experience.  I could not have asked for a more perfect fit for hosting.  She showed a gentleness and compassion with my girls that immediately won me over.  Masha looked at Liz as if she was it; her mom, rescuer, friend,  guide, and her glimmer of hope.  Her face when she had to leave will forever be burned into the back of my eyes.   Without us or another family her chance at a better life will almost be gone.  

Please keep us in your prayers as we try to make the best decision for our Family and Masha.

"Some days are for living. Others are for getting through."

    This is going to be short and to the point as I do not have the energy now to go in depth with what happened today.  The entire process to bring Masha home is officially over.  All the emotion, attachment, hard work, and money are officially flushed down the drain.  We found out today that there was a mistake made and Masha is not available to be adopted.  Liz is emotionally in shambles right now as she has invested the last 4 months trying to make this happen.    It is absolutely heart breaking to see my wife this upset, and on top of that we still have to tell Masha we can not come get her.  There is a whole list of feelings that we are both experiencing right now and none of them are positive.  Anger, Sadness, and Betrayal have to be at the top of the list for myself.  I figured we would have to go through all the trials and tribulations of this process, but I really never saw this coming.   It is very unfortunate that we did not surround ourselves with a more competent individual to facilitate this process,  if we would have an enormous amount of heart ache would have been avoided.
     As emotions settle some and thoughts become clearer I will post again.