A Comforting Reunion

      The first week of winter hosting is in the books. I will have to say it has been very comforting to have Masha back in our house. Maybe the best sleep Liz and I have gotten since she left. Despite the massive language barrier she just seems to fit, looks and personality. Airport pick up was way less stressful this year as we were met with huge hugs. Masha did not release her hug on me until her baggage came around to be picked up. The first week has been busy as we told her to bring absolutely nothing so we could fit more with her to send back. She brought nothing! Wednesday and Thursday were spent clothes shopping, she picked up right where she left off being very picky. We did manage to get 3 pairs of jeans, sweat shirts, and yes a dress (More on that later). Carley and Keira instantly took up were they left off with Masha and have not left her side. The best part is Masha enjoys them and has yet to be annoyed by the over stimulation. Masha is very good at making sure she gives each equal attention. She is just as sweet as the last time we hosted her. I really felt we may have somewhat of a different experience since she would already be comfortable with us. I guess realistically I am waiting for the I am not sure what to do moment. Hopefully we never have it during hosting.

     Friday and Sunday were all about the girls in my house events. Friday night Liz hosted a mother daughter ornament exchange. This was a bit too much for Masha as she did not want to come out of her room. Although I can not imagine why with 30 women and children probably talking about her and she has no idea what they are saying. With a little coaxing from Liz she came downstairs for the exchange game. This is the first time we have had to make her do anything, and she handled it well. The second event was the Nutcracker Ballet. The question here is, would we get Masha in a dress? The answer is after Liz using her mom voice she complied, and before I knew it I had 4 beautiful girls standing in front of me in the living room for pictures. Masha had never been to a ballet, and loved it. I even managed to stay awake through the whole thing. It was good to know we did not use up all the first experiences on the first trip.

     Overall our second hosting experience is just as much of a blessing if not more. It has confirmed to us that we have made the right decision to continue forward even if the results do not end up what we would like them to be. It still continues to be a roller coaster as we find more occasions where our agency and facilitator have dropped the ball. We have even found out that official paperwork could have been filed back during our initial hosting that would have given us her status long ago legally. I am still trying to figure out why we were not given this option in the beginning even if it took 8-12 weeks.  We also find ourselves trying not to have a bitter feeling about how the entire process went down.  The next three weeks are going be all about making the best out of the time we get.   Hopefully a Christmas miracle will happen, and we can figure something out soon.

A Bitter/Sweet Visit

     I have not been very good at keeping up our blog lately as we have not really received much in the way of positive news when it comes to Masha Nicole.  I did not start this blog to sound critical, bitter, or extremely negative, but looking at my last several entries that is exactly what it looks like.  I would love to take back the last few entries, but every feeling, frustration, or injustice is absolutely true.  I want it to be out there so people know not to expect a nice perfectly smooth process.  This is the one time in life where I would expect the worst and hope for the best. 
     Now for the good news and what this blog was created for.  Masha will be here tomorrow night at 11pm, and we get her for 4 weeks before we have to send her back again.   We are going to try to only focus on the positives while she is here even though a few days I am sure we will end up with some sobbing.  Masha has been texting us all day with her Ukraine version of Yippie I think, so we know she is as pumped as we are.  After we pick her up we have given her the option to stay in a hotel or head straight back to Oklahoma, which will be a 3 hour drive.  She wants to head straight home so she can see the girls first thing when they woke up in the morning.  I am pretty much sure the drive will consist of Masha and Liz sleeping while I drive.   Even though they will be sleeping I think it will bring a level of comfort I have not had since she left.    
     This is a very bitter/sweet visit at the same time though.  We still very much want to bring Masha in as part of our family, and I believe she wants it even more so.  She has almost been in panic mode as of late because her best friend is currently being adopted out of the orphanage right now, and we were suppose to be there at the same time getting Masha.  We actually even received travel dates for next week to go, but she is not available.  I know at some point we will have to broach this topic while she is here, and it is going to be extremely difficult.  I have been praying that the right things to say will come to me, because right now I have nothing.   Best case scenario is we can get her next November with a more realistic time being right before her 17th birthday in March.  That is if the Ministry of Magic actually got her in the system.  We have made the decision to ride this out as long as the road will take us and then some to get Masha here.  We just hope and pray when we get to the end of the road we end up with happy addition to our family, Masha Nicole.

Sorry if Anyone is Offended

     There is a saying frequently said to Liz and I to bring comfort that actually bothers me quite a bit.  This is not meant to offend anyone, and if you disagree I will not think less of anyone. In fact there is a small amount of scripture that might actually support an opposing view or even entire denominations that follow Calvinistic teachings. The saying, that can be put many different ways is, "It is all in God's plan."  Spin as many ways as you want, but that is the just of it.  As we have progressed through the trials and tribulations with Masha we have heard this at least a hundred times now.  Every time I hear this I absolutely cringe inside, but attempt to keep a calm exterior because I know someone is just really attempting to be thoughtful.  It bothers me to think of God, that sent his only Son to die for our sins, is playing us like puppets or chess pieces.    So if it is true that we have a predestined path to follow, then God creates all the; hurt, suffering, disease, starvation, murder, etc. that we experience, and we have no responsibility for our own actions.  In fact why even attend church if He has already predestined who is and who is not going to heaven.  I know I am taking this a little to the extreme to make a point, but why would God purposefully put any child in an orphanage or give them a glimpse of the family they could have then take it away? To continue that though why would He take the most amazing mom from a son and leave a gaping whole in family that needed her?  I will not pretend to think that I know what God is thinking,  I just do not see Him, "the God who so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16 being that kind of God.  I do not see Him like the person that dangles a carrot in front of the donkey just to get him to walk and then takes it away when they arrive at their destination. 
      In fact I believe quite the opposite.  Every disease, hurt, murder, abortion, or what ever you can come up with was in fact caused by man's decisions.  I think even atheist will agree that man's inherent nature is sinful depending on how you define sin.   Every road block, hiccup, or heart ache we have received through this process is not a God thing, it is a glowing example of man's corrupt selfish nature.   Now do I think God answers prayers, Yes. Do I think miracles happen, Yes.  Do I believe he left us here to rot and kill each other, No.   However, without freewill to make our own choices evil, good, or indifferent it takes away the reason God created man, which was to have fellowship with Him.  I am not sure about you, but I have never had much fellowship with a puppet. Now I do think God has a plan, but we choose or do not choose to be part of it.  We chose to have fellowship with Him, we chose to follow the teachings of the Bible, and then He decides if our heart really is were we confess it to be and allows us into heaven.  I will leave a few scriptures that I think mostly deal with predestination vs. freewill, but I think they apply to the God has a plan theory.  Feel free to comment or even disagree.

He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-- John 1:10-12 NIV

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. Titus 2:11.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Matthew 28:19 NIV


 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.  Hebrews 11:6




Please excuse all the Grammar mistakes as my Editor is at Gymnastics with my Girls.



 

"Decisions become easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world."

     Now that the dust has settled and all the quasi facts are on the table, Liz and I have some big decisions to make as a family.  So, by now we know Masha was never registered to be adopted in the first place.  It was a big mix up in how her name was spelled, and everyone wants to pass the buck that it is not their fault.  We know that she will be registered next Tuesday, November 8th.   To adopt anyone from Ukraine you have to wait 12 months after they are registered so it gives people in Ukraine the chance to have first pick.  Another fact is Masha turns 16 in March, which technically times her out of adoption age unless we travel to the Ukraine in Jan. or Feb. to submit a form to the U.S. Embassy that we want to adopt her.  Pending that decision, which we have heard there is no guarantee they will say yes, we can proceed to try this process all over again. Then starting around May or June we have to redo all the paperwork we have already done including a revised home study. Then if adoptions are not shut down or by some miracle everything goes as planned we can go back this time of year next year to get her.
     The hard part now is deciding what we are going to do.  Right now we are mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  We have put everything we have into making this happen just to have it come crumbling down.   A very big part of us really wants to throw in the towel.  We are concerned we do not have the energy to do this all over again.  We also worry about Masha's age.  Masha will be very close to 17 if not 17 by the time we can get her.  Liz and I were already worried about getting Masha adjusted to school and through it at 16, but losing another 1.5 years seems to really stack things against us all.  We are also concerned what will happen to her development wise in that amount of time. There is a big difference between the maturity of 15 and 17 year old.  Even as I type this those 2 reasons seem very selfish, but are very real.  This has already been quite the interruption to our family.  We expected a certain amount of trials and tribulations when we hosted Masha then proceeded to adopt, but right now we are exceeding the threshold of what can be dealt with.
   On the other side there is a precious little girl in Ukraine that we love very much.  I know everyone has their hosting experience, but we had THE hosting experience.  I could not have asked for a more perfect fit for hosting.  She showed a gentleness and compassion with my girls that immediately won me over.  Masha looked at Liz as if she was it; her mom, rescuer, friend,  guide, and her glimmer of hope.  Her face when she had to leave will forever be burned into the back of my eyes.   Without us or another family her chance at a better life will almost be gone.  

Please keep us in your prayers as we try to make the best decision for our Family and Masha.

"Some days are for living. Others are for getting through."

    This is going to be short and to the point as I do not have the energy now to go in depth with what happened today.  The entire process to bring Masha home is officially over.  All the emotion, attachment, hard work, and money are officially flushed down the drain.  We found out today that there was a mistake made and Masha is not available to be adopted.  Liz is emotionally in shambles right now as she has invested the last 4 months trying to make this happen.    It is absolutely heart breaking to see my wife this upset, and on top of that we still have to tell Masha we can not come get her.  There is a whole list of feelings that we are both experiencing right now and none of them are positive.  Anger, Sadness, and Betrayal have to be at the top of the list for myself.  I figured we would have to go through all the trials and tribulations of this process, but I really never saw this coming.   It is very unfortunate that we did not surround ourselves with a more competent individual to facilitate this process,  if we would have an enormous amount of heart ache would have been avoided.
     As emotions settle some and thoughts become clearer I will post again.

No One Said This Would Be Easy

      I figure it is about time to give a Masha update.  I have been trying to put this blog off until we had some kind of good news for Masha roll in, but it has just not happened lately.   We have had a paperwork nightmare. So far we have had to redo different parts of our paperwork four times due to many reasons that I will discuss in depth after we finish this whole process.  We have been treated poorly by the people we are paying to facilitate the adoption, and as of 10/18/11 Ukraine has shut down appointments for people to come get any of their kids for an undisclosed amount of time.   The stress level also continues to climb as dates are pushed back.  The closer we get to Christmas the harder it will be for me to find last minute coverage for my job.  Without coverage there will be no way for me to travel regardless if we receive a date.   We are hanging in there, but the last few weeks have been filled with disappointment.

     It has not been all gloom in our house though.   We have had an anonymous donor of $1000 to help with the expenses to bring Masha home.  This is twice now we have received unsolicited donations to help with Masha.  I am truly amazed at peoples generosity.  It is these acts of kindness that always help strengthen my faith.
     Also in the last week we have added an extra guest in the Atchley house hold.  My cousin from Las Vegas has moved here to take an ICU job to prepare herself for graduate school (Hopefully in Anesthesia).   It is a blessing for us to have such a dedicated driven young lady in our house to be another good influence for our girls.  We are hoping she finds her time here just as much as a blessing and accomplishes the things she needs to further her career.   May be she will even discover Oklahoma is not that bad, and I am not as elderly as she thinks.

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”

     That last couple of weeks in the Atchley house have been quite busy, but first I would like to start out with a thank you. A thank you to a very special person that I am not sure I can ever pay back the kindness she has bestowed upon our family, Aunt Marie.  She has been there for our family along with her daughter in some of our families toughest times in the past, and now she has done it again out of no where.  I have not discussed the financial aspect of the international adoption process due to the fact our family can shoulder that burden currently.   However, out of the blue we receive a small letter from our aunt.  As I opened it I really did not think that there would be check inside, but there it was falling out on my kitchen table.  The amount was not important, even though it was significant, but the thought behind it made me speechless.  In fact Liz had to call her first because I had no idea how to really receive the gift or say thank you appropriately.  I at first instantly felt guilty as Marie always seems to be the person to think of us, and I can not think of a time when I have thought to do something for her personally.  I figure Aunt Marie you must be reading this for you to know about what is going on around here, so I want you to know how much it means to us and Thank You.
     Second on the Atchley's week of excitement list and the reason it took awhile for me to publish this blog is Aunt Marie's granddaughter Jordyn came to interview here for a job in a transplant ICU.(She thinks she wants to be like me, hopefully nicer though)  Even though they offered her the job almost immediately it was a tough decision for her to make.   I finally got word today that she will be moving to OKC from Las Vegas to accept the job.  Our family can not be more excited as we really enjoy Jordyn and her families company, and look forward to seeing them for the holidays again.  We also hope it will entice her little sister to maybe think about attending University here.  It is really going to be a blessing to us to have such a wonderful part of our family come to stay with us.  So, Jordyn if you don't mind staying with your geriatric cousin, your room is ready.

     Last on our blessing list is some news about Masha.  Our paper work has officially been submitted as of today.  Now we sit and wait on a travel date to go get her.  We have heard it can be 2-3 weeks for the date to be given, and they usually give you 2-3 weeks to make arrangements to come.  So we are looking to travel the end of October to the first of November.   Please keep us in your thoughts as we are still conflicted on how to make the trip, and the decision does not seem to be getting any easier as we get closer to actually having to do it.

The Paperwork Has Been Delivered

     All of our paperwork has hit the ground in the Ukraine and has been delivered for translation thanks to another family adopting from the same orphanage.  Everything is out of our hands for awhile now, and the waiting game begins.  The estimated date for us to travel to go get Masha will more than likely be the end of October or first of November.  This is only an estimate and completely contingent on our paperwork being approved.   It is just good to know we are done running all over the state getting notaries and notaries for notaries. 
     Masha did receive her cell phone from us, and the girls have talked to her just about everyday since.   I have even gotten to talk to her several times now.   Unfortunately my Russian is severely lacking so if my conversations make it past 30 seconds I would be surprised.  It is good to hear her voice though, and she does always respond to me in English.
     Now for our biggest concerns as we move forward.  Number one on our list is our girls when we travel.  Liz's sister Allyson has offered to come stay at our house while we are gone, but that does not make it easy to leave them.   Carley(7) did not do to well the last time we left for just a week, and she is already worried about this trip.  We have discussed taking them with us, but we both believe they are too young to go on this trip.  It will be heart breaking to leave without them.   I plan to come back as soon as I can, but it looks as if that could take 2-3 weeks before I could return.    This will weigh the heaviest on our hearts while we are gone.    Right now we just have to pray that support from our friends and family will be enough to keep our girls comforted while we are gone.  Second on the list really just involves myself.  I usually have to schedule vacation 4-6 months in advance do to my profession.   Being that the dates are unknown it will be last minute.   I am very thankful to have a great group of partners that have been very understanding of the situation.  It will still be very hard to cover that much call if it lasts over two weeks.  Hopefully the right thing to do will present itself to us before we actually get a travel date that will help to put our mind at ease.
     Please keep our family in your thoughts as we move forward to bring Masha home.

This Is It!!!

     I am just going to cut to the chase here and come right out with it,  Masha is available to be adopted as of July, 2011!  We just got the official news late this afternoon.   We have not even gotten to tell the girls yet since they are at gymnastics right now, but I am sure there will be some screaming as soon as they know.  Liz and I both feel like 100lbs has been lifted off our shoulders.  This is the news we have been waiting on since the day Masha left, and now we almost have all the puzzle pieces in place to go and get her. If everything goes perfect we could be traveling to go get her Mid October, and have her home by Thanksgiving.  What a gift for the Holiday.
    It would not be life though if everything went perfect today.  I am pretty sure that is only reserved for heaven.  Today was also a frustrating day at the same time. We, Liz mostly, has been all over our paper work from the start.  Almost everything is done and turned in with only two things left to be sent.  Believe it or not a letter that took 3 weeks to get got lost by Virginia(the State) that was sent to get Notarized, and the FBI lost our finger prints.   We were hoping to send everything to the Ukraine on Thursday with another family, which would not only saved us some money but also sped the process up a couple of weeks.  I personally did not expect everything in the paperwork arena to go smoothly so it was not such a big deal to me.  I have been just waiting for a hiccup at some point, and here is our first one.  Hopefully this will be the only one for awhile.
  On a much brighter note we have gotten a significant amount of contact with Masha.   We have received 3 letters from her to date, Liz has talked with her on the phone about every third day, and she has received two packages we sent her with another on the way.  Masha's letters are very sweet. She mostly talks about how much she misses both the little girls, and how much she loves our family.  I never thought she would really send letters, but we have gotten one every 2 weeks.  I hope she keeps this up until we get her home.  It makes going to the mailbox exciting every afternoon. 

First Day of School is a Big Holiday in Ukraine.

We sent Flowers and a Bear.

Keira Abigail Atchley

  Just when all is right in the world and you are cruising along just fine you are bound to be thrown a change-up or curve ball.   Lets just say that was exactly what it was like when we both found out Liz was pregnant with our Keira Abigail.  At the time Liz and I both felt we had this perfect little house, and had even discussed not having anymore kids as Carley was just about perfect and we were perfectly content ourselves.  Then BAMM, Liz is pregnant even on birth control.  Lets just say Liz was not immediately happy about gaining weight again.   I tried hard to reassure her she was beautiful, but and I quote "You have no idea what it is like to have your butt fat touch your back fat!"  I can pretty much say I was mud in the house during the entire pregnancy and everything wrong in the world was my fault for 9 months.  My sister in-law Leah that lived with us at the time can back this up if Liz tries to say I am exaggerating. In fact, half way through the pregnancy with Keira I was really worried if I was ever going to get my sweet kind loving wife back.

    Then the miracle happened and Keira Abigail was born.  As soon as she came out I had the wife back that I have always known, and we had another little girl.   I will be the first to say before Keira we were almost boring. Everything was too textbook easy and planned.  After Keira our lives have been on fire, which we both agree now is exactly what we needed.  Keira Abigail added a dimension to our family we had no idea we were missing until we got her.  She brought a different type of energy and love to the house that I am not sure we have ever experienced.  I make many references to my mother, and for those that knew her know how charismatic and loving she was.  Well, Keira Abigail could be a mini Carla in her own way in more ways than just looks.  People are just drawn to her regardless of their age. She puts off an energy that is almost impossible to ignore, and gives hugs that make you feel like you are the most special person to her in the entire world.   Where my Carley Elisabeth is calculated and reserved, my Keira is spur of the moment and free spirited.  I want to be careful not to sound like she is handful, because her manors and behavior are impeccable.  She just has a much higher energy level than anyone else in the house, which keeps us on our toes.  Keira was definitely what our family needed. She took a bland boring house, added some much needed spice, and I love her more than ever for it.

Я тебя люблю Keira,

Daddy.     

Carley Elisabeth Atchley.

    Well this blog is really the Atchley Chronicles, not just the adopt Masha from Ukraine blog, so  I wanted to spend sometime talking about one of the most special little girls in my life, Carley Elisabeth.   Carley started off as a little surprise as we were right in the middle of grad school and were planning on holding off on having kids until we were done.  Even though we were definitely not financially ready for her we could not have been more ready as a couple to have a little girl.  The news immediately brought Liz and I closer together as we started to plan our life with the new addition to our house.  The first year of Carley's life was spent mostly in hotel room as I moved from hospital to hospital from Kansas, to Texas, and back to Kansas again.   We use to lay in our hotel bed as still as possible until she woke up on my days off.  I remember her peeking over the rail of her pack and play asking for mama.  Being that we had 17 cents in our checking account for the last 4 months of school she received uninterrupted attention from us as we could not afford to do anything else. She was all the entertainment we ever needed.   I am not sure who was blessed more by this her or us, but I am leaning more towards us.   I loved laying on the floor with her those four months and getting her to giggle endlessly.  She was exactly what we needed at the time after a very tough three years of school and my mom passing away.

      Today Carley is 7.5 years old, and yes the 0.5 is important to her.  Carley is everything and more I could ever ask for.   I sit nightly after putting her to bed looking at her in awe and thinking how could I have someone so amazing in my house.   Carley is a state champion gymnast, a swimmer, runner,  straight A student,  tennis player, and now a soccer player(The last one is not my favorite).  Beyond all that my Carley has a heart of gold.  I love seeing her empathy for her Papa and Gigi, her love for her little sister Keira, and her concern for everyone in the family's well being.   I could not be more proud everyday to say she is my daughter.  I am sure I could ramble on about my oldest for hours and just sound like a bragging parent, but I will save that and let Carley's own heart speak for itself.

Я тебя люблю Carley,
Daddy   

Conversations with Masha

     So the ball is starting to roll as we get everything we can prepared to go get Masha.  The date that will happen is still unknown to us, but we are pressing forward to accomplish as much as we can.  It has actually been quite the exciting week around here when it comes to news about Masha.   I wish I was involved with some of the excitement, but unfortunately I have to work and sleep sometimes. We have a confirmed picture that our flowers, postage, and letter were delivered.   Liz finally got to speak with Masha on the phone at 2:30 in the morning.  I have to give it to Liz's persistence as we have had 3 failed calls already(I gave up this last time and went to sleep), but she keeps on trying.   The excitement in Liz's voice when Masha picked up the phone was easily felt throughout the house at 2:30am as she woke everyone up screaming into the phone.  She then came to bed beaming after she got off with tears in her eyes and a huge smile. I think she slept better than she has since Masha left.   We have also had 3 more contacts with her on the phone in the last week.  Carley and Keira got talk to Masha as soon as they woke up.  Our translator that met us at the airport Elena got to speak to her and clarify some of the things we needed to say to her.  I am not sure Masha heard much of this conversation as she just kept asking if she is at least going to get to come back for Christmas.   I want to say a special thanks to Elena as she has donated a considerable amount of time and effort assisting/translating with Masha to help us out.  Marina, our Russian tennis coach, also got to have a 20 minute conversation with her.  Marina confirmed that she did in fact want to become part of our family, she also told Masha this would not be an over night process as it may take a year, that Christmas was not a for sure thing as we do not know if she will be available to be hosted again, and that a cell phone is going to be delivered to her from us so she can text or call anytime in the day or night.  Marina also expressed our feelings for Masha, and that we are doing everything we can to see her again as soon as humanly possible.   Masha freely told Marina that her family is very supportive of her becoming part of our family, and asked Marina if we received a letter she wrote us yet.  We have not, but Marina told her it can take as long as 3 weeks to get to us at times.  We are all checking the mail 10 times per day for this letter.

 I hope we get some with her smile in the future

  

     A quick update on what we have done and have upcoming.  The only big thing that is officially done and paid for is the homestudy, which is only the start of the paper work from what it looks like.  Tomorrow Liz is going to send out I600A paperwork and payment(i.e. FBI Finger Printing).  After that it looks like it will be time to pull out the check book and be taken to the bank by this process.   Masha is worth more than any amount of money, but I can not go without saying the fees for this stuff are absolutely ridiculous and borderline robbery. This will be the only time I mention money in any of my blogs, but I had to say it once so I would feel better.  Not to end on a negative note, we are making this whole thing an adventure in the Atchley household.  We know that there will be highs and lows as we get through this entire process, but the end result will be a match made in Heaven.

Christopher



   In the mean time.................

Preparing for First Day Of School!

The Question is, "Are You a Glass is Half Full or Half Empty Person?"

     We got news today. It is not necessarily the worst, but it is not exactly what we wanted to hear either.  The rules in Ukraine are not my favorite, but a kid can fall into 3 categories.  1. They can be registered and available for adoption. 2.  They can be registered, but not be outside the 12 month window for people from other countries to come in to adopt.  3.  The worst, not registered at all.  Masha is in the middle group. She is registered, but we are not sure for how long.  It could have been 11 months ago to just last week.   This means we have no idea when we could actually bring Masha home.   We may have a better idea when she was registered next week, but no promises are being made.  I guess we are getting a true taste very early in the process at how painful this is about to be.   Even though we did receive good news today, I am still left feeling somewhat empty.   Hopefully next week with a little bit of luck we can nail down more of a date so that we can better prepare ourselves mentally.   This process is definitely not easy on the heart, stomach, or mind.  Maybe someday we will look back at all the heartache caused by this and be able to say it was all worth it.

 

This is The Week

     This is the week we are suppose to find out if Masha can become part of our family.   Tensions and emotions are high in the house as we wait to find out. Liz and I have both been in a haze this week waiting for the news, and  completely unmotivated to do anything.  We are suppose to find out today or tomorrow, but I am not holding my breath. I do have a feeling that this week we will know something positive or negative. For those that read this and pray, any prayer would be greatly appreciated.   I do not believe that God has a plan to make this process hard or to keep Masha in undesirable conditions, that is man's area of expertise. I can not believe in a God like that, but I do believe that He has the power to move mountains and obstacles out of our way.  Maybe if enough people say prayers out there today for all the people waiting to hear if they can bring these special kids back, God will move mountains for us all today.

Christopher

Short, but Very Very Sweet Today.

    As of my last blog two days ago Masha had no idea of our intentions to bring her back permanently,  even though I skated around the topic pretty close without breaking the rules. I could not definitively say anything about adoption.   I could see there was uncertainty in her eyes even though I attempted to make it clear that hosting was not the last time I would see her.  Well she no longer has to be uncertain.   When she got off the plane in Ukraine the facilitator got a moment alone with Masha, told her our intentions were to make her a permanent part of the Atchley Family, and asked her if that is what she wanted.  The report we received was she got extremely excited, and she even stated that her family in Ukraine would be very excited for her to have the opportunity for a different life.  A little leap of faith by this brave little girl to come to America for a summer may just change her stars forever.

Getting Closer to this One Day at a Time!

      Now with that said we still have a long way to go. We are still waiting to find out if she is legally available (Should Know August 8-9 Please be Praying).  This was just a large relief because some families were allowed to talk about adoption with their kids. Two of these kids were in the same orphanage, so I am sure she got to hear about it all the way home. Liz and I knew about this before they left, and it definitely made it more difficult letting her go.  We were given multiple excuses why, but lets just say I am not a fan of excuses(Insert Multiple Quotes From John Wayne Here).
   

You Can Tell by Everyones Tears that We Will Remember It All

     I am not really sure where to even begin this entry as today was far from an easy day.  Today was my last bit of time with Masha.  The girls are headed down to Dallas to take Masha to the airport early in the morning.  It has taken until about now for me to collect some of my thoughts and be able to write down anything.   I am usually a pro at keeping it together in front of people and not showing emotions. Today was not the case I completely lost my composure.   This good bye was especially difficult due to the possibility that it could be a real good bye.  A good bye where you do not see the person again, and in this case we are knowingly sending her back to an awful place.  Yes, we knew this was going to happen, and we knew it would be hard.  What I did not count on was how much we as a family we would fall in love with Masha, including myself.  The best way I can describe it is, she just fits.  She is an exceptional girl that deserves so much more. This experience exceeded anything in my wildest dreams.  I never thought a stranger could come in my house and in five weeks work her way into my heart.  That is how special this little girl is.  I hope to one day pay back the favor she gave to us. She has changed my heart for the better.
    Now it is time to move on to the next step.  Getting Masha Back!   We have started most of the paperwork before she got here, but stopped due to our skepticism or lack of faith I am not sure.  I would like to say that it was healthy cautiousness.  Now we are going to try to make up for lost time.  We are just 2 visits and a check away from our home study being done.  From there I have no idea what to expect.  I am sure once the home study is complete and we know that Masha is available we will know much more about the process.  We do know just enough to know this will not be an easy road.  We have heard everything from nightmare stories about things being drug out for months to stories of things going off without a hitch.  We are hoping that having everything ready from the beginning will help things go smoothly. Until then we will save as much money as possible, and pray that everything works out for the best. (We have heard it may be possible to get her back home by Christmas. I pray this is true.)
  Our last few days were beyond great with Masha.  We have packed as much quality time as we could in 3 days. We drove sports cars, rode roller coasters, went to the movies, and almost pulled an all nighter laughing at each others inability to communicate beyond 5 words on the translator.  Tomorrow I head back to work while Masha gets on a plane back to the Ukraine.    There was so much more I wanted to say to her, but could not. It was heart breaking to let her go without any reassurance. Due to the rules of this program we are not able to discuss adoption.  The most I could I do is tell her we hope to see her again, we love her, and that we will do our best to stay in contact.  If there is one down side to the program that is it. I could go into detail, but that policy is for the best for all involved. I will say I wish I was a special exception, but we are not.  There is so much more I want to say so maybe in another blog. Right now I would like to let the pictures speak for themselves.

She definitely Fits in with the Sisters

One of My Few Pictures

She felt like posing

Test Drive Day

Express Clydesdales 

Two Amazing Girls

Favorite Ride at the Park

Repeat of Picture

Playing with Camera

"There are no good-byes, Where ever we are, You’ll always be in my heart".

     The last days are starting to be more difficult as we prepare to send Masha back to the Ukraine. The preparations to send her home are very saddening. As we shop for things all our kids have without even thinking about we know it is possible that we may not see this little girl again. It is evident everyone in the house is feeling this pressure. I had to walk away from something as simple as buying a hand towel to send back with her. Every small task we do like this brings us closer to her leaving still not knowing what the future holds. We can only hope and have faith that things turn out the best for all that are involved.
      We have seen our first strong emotions from Masha and almost a sense of panic. I had not discussed that I would not be able to take her to the airport, so when we got a couple of quiet seconds where we could I took the opportunity. I really thought it would go uneventful and was I wrong. As soon as I started the conversation she got tears in her eyes and the more I tried to console her the worse it got until we had some full blown tears. I felt terrible and helpless at the same time. I did not expect this reaction just about me. It took us a couple of hours to recover, but the rest of the day got better with some shoe shopping therapy. We have also noticed an urgency from her to get things done. She is especially worried about getting pictures with everyone. She asks Liz daily when she will print them all. Our other moment was today at tennis with the help of our tennis coach translating some last minute stuff for us. Liz, Masha, and Marina all had tears in their eyes. It got a lot more than I think Masha wanted to handle so she took the girls and headed off to the car. I know what she is feeling cause I hid in the corner to avoid any real eye contact or might have lost it as well. She has got tears in her eyes several times today. Not real crying, but I can tell she is looking at Carley and Keira already feeling very sad.  She even had a period of the day when she shut down completely to us.  I could never get her tell me what was wrong, but with some time at home and some encouragement from Liz she was back to herself.  I wish I knew what to do for her, but I am not even very good at it when my little girls cry. I want so much to pick her up like I would my girls pat her on the back and tell her I will make everything better. The problem with that is so much is out of my control I may not be able to make things better.  We all just reassure her that she is special to us and will always be loved by our family.
      I only have a measly 3 days left with Masha before the girls head down to Dallas.   I did not know how much this experience would impact my views on life so much after doing it.   I would not say it has been so much eye opening as much as I will say it has been a heart opening.   I will not pretend that Masha is part of my heart as much as my two little girls currently are, but she has taken up residency in part of it and I love her very much.  I am sure over time that bond will grow even more so even though I know it will be roller coaster at times.  I also think nah sayers will come around as well as the get to know Masha.  The one thing I am confident our family has enough of for Masha is love, and I think some one said once, "All You Need is Love."

Entering the Final Week

     We have a mere seven days left of our time with Masha on this trip.  She has very much squeezed her way into hearts in the last weeks.  As each new day goes by everyone becomes more and more comfortable with each other.  Russian from my girls and English from Masha is starting become common place.  Masha barely spoke at all the first 2 weeks, but now we get to hear her voice non stop.  She is attempting to string together sentences with true meaning now(Not in front of strangers).  A lot is still communicated non-verbally and through single words, but we have done very little to work on English other than flash cards, alphabet, and listening to some downloaded files.  With some real structured teaching time and a real teacher I believe she will be able to learn very quickly as she can already spell small words through phonics.  She definitely pronounce our words much better than I can even attempt to say letters in her alphabet.  I feel comfortable that if we bring her here and find the right people her transition to school will be easily possible.  I am not saying it will not be challenging, but I know we have one smart little girl on our hands.

Part of the New Horizon"s Program. Masha Liked the Quote

     I am going to try to get everyone to keep it easy this last week with her, but if you know my house that is definitely not going to happen.  The girls already have at least 3 days of activities they want to do with her before she leaves.  More than likely I will give into what ever they want to do because their intentions are pure.  I know I talk each blog about my girls and Masha, but for me their relationship is the most important.  I believe a sibling is the person you will know longer than anyone else in life, so your relationship with them can make a huge difference in how you face the world.  We spent the entire day at home yesterday, and the girls stayed upstairs and entertained each other all day.  I thought it was because of video games, but when I went up there the controllers were all laid down and they were playing a made up game of hiding a golf club. I was itching to get out of the house, but seeing the amount of laughing and made up play we stayed home.  I continue to be amazed at how a 15 year old enjoys playing so much with my girls.  I wonder sometimes if she is being more like a babysitter, but then she initiates all the games so I think not.  Every time I ask if she need a break she answers instantly no.  Whatever she does or does not feel for Liz and I is made up for the love she shows both my girls(Pretty sure she thinks Liz is pretty amazing as well).

Masha is starting to want pictures with Everyone

     Now for the dad part. I know I have said before I went into this expecting very little.  I knew that Liz and the girls would be an instant hit and make her transition much easier and they definitely have.  I really thought she would not be comfortable at all with me for awhile, and surely not on this trip.  Even though I tried hard it took almost 2 weeks before she even referred to me as anything.  At that time I was beginning to think I was going to be right, and I was really Okay with it.  Plus, I was not quite sure how to interact with a 15 year old anyway.  Little girl easy, preteens and teenage girls with hormones scare the Hell out of me.  The last 1.5 weeks have put all those thoughts behind me.  She pretty much enjoys everything my girls enjoy so far, just spending time with dad.   After all dad is all fun in this house anyway as long as everyone is quiet in the car while I am driving.  Although nothing like the relationship she has with the girls in my house it is so much more than I expected.  I will say the daddy daughter time with all the girls the other night helped immensely.  She at least comes to me now 25 percent of the time for help. 

    Update time:  We have learned nothing else new other than all the names have been actually submitted for availability.  Even if we can not have her forever and always we would still like to bring her back for Christmas.  Last night she made it evident she wants to stay in one comment.  We were going over our usually likes and dislikes conversation for weekly report. She always says she loves everything.  This week very loudly when we asked what she did not like she said, "Ukraine."  It was touching and sad all at the same time.  I would love to think it is because what an amazing family we have, but I think anything here is such an improvement over her current situation that would be her only answer regardless.  More to come in the next few days as our time is coming to end with her for the summer, but hopefully this is only the beginning.

Christopher.

You Change Your Life by Changing Your Heart

     The last few days have not been very eventful in our house.   The 3 girls in the house act very much like sisters now.  I keep waiting for an annoyed 15 year old attitude, but it never comes.  Keira and Carley are attached to her at all times with  Keira in her lap and Carley on the translator.  Carley has resumed her role as big sister even though Masha is 8 years older.  Carley has tried very hard to learn Russian and teach Masha as much English as possible.  Carley acts like mother hen almost babying Masha like she is Keira's age.  I see a lot of Liz in Carley when I see her interactions with Masha.  It always puts a huge smile on my face to see a mini Liz(If she has the half the heart as her mom I have zero worries for her).  Keira on the other hand treats her like the "greatest playmate ever."   Masha and Keira have really hit it off.  Mostly due to the fact Keira never wants to come inside and Masha is right there with her.  They would both stay outside riding bikes until they wore the tires off the bikes.  I am really not looking forward to the heart ache of her leaving.  Keira will recovery fast, but Carley will take it hard I am sure.

    Last night was a special night for me as Liz went out for girls night and I had all 3 girls to myself.  It is really a rare occasion that I get them to myself for 8 hours.  Carley and Keira both spent the first 3 hours of the evening at gymnastics, so Masha and I did the things I do not really see Liz doing with her.  First stop was by the bike shop to let her get googly eyed over all the pretty bikes.  I know some might think it is mean, but I personally go in all the time and look at my dream bike that I will never purchase.  Plus, it gave me ideas for what she likes once we bring her back permanently.  Next it was on to car shopping one of my favorite past times.   If the salesman would not have talked so much we were about to get in a brand new Z51 Vette and take it for a spin.  Unfortunately we ran out of time and I had to get the girls at gymnastics. He gave me his card and said comeback anytime, so hopefully I will fit in a ride in some American Muscle before she leaves (Of Coarse she Picked the bright Yellow one).

     We got home that night at bed time for my girls, so it was bath and sleep for them right after dinner.  This was nice because it was the first time I have gotten any quality time myself with Masha.   I will say it is strange to sit in the living room and communicate with someone and the room is dead silent.  I turned on the T.V. just because it was to quiet for me.  We had a nice conversation through Google Translate about her experience here, her home, friends, and family.  She smiled the entire time she talked about our family to me and was laughing a good portion of the time.  It felt very much like my runs or bike rides with Carley.  I was getting a view into the real Masha that guards her self so well.  I am left out on most of what she likes about being here, but she rarely says anything about an experience without including how great Liz, Carley, and Keira made it.    We stayed up until about 1230 that night chatting and laughing.  Maybe the best part of the night was about 1100.  Liz still was not home and Masha typed in that she was worried that Mama was not home and would like me to call and check on her.  I asked her if she wanted her to come home, and she said no just wanted to make sure she was OK.  Liz came in the door shortly after to Masha's relief.  As soon as Liz walks in Masha leaves my side to go sit in a chair under a blanket with Liz. I enjoy seeing how much Masha adores Liz, but I was disappointed that my dad night was over with her and my girls.  As much time as I spend at work I really cherish the alone time I get.

    A quick update on our news from across the pond.  Guess what? We still do not know anything about Masha's availability.   Honestly I really do not expect to find out anything until well after she goes back so I am not overly surprised.   I guess I am getting a lesson in patience which is not one of my virtues. Since it is taking so long I keep waiting to get second thoughts or come up with a real negative so far it has yet to happen.  We are going into our last full week with Masha.  I have taken the week off, so hopefully we can send her off with a bang.