"When the road ahead seems too long, look back to see how far you’ve come. For, even if the hill before you is steep, the view gives you hope to finish the journey."

     A couple of weeks have gone by since our Masha had to go back to Ukraine, but our quest to get her back continues. Liz leaves middle of February for Ukraine to file the paperwork to try to extend Masha's eligibility to be adopted after she turns 16. Liz will spend a week there by herself with only a slim chance of getting to see Masha. We have heard by traveling there no one gets turned down, but at this point we are not overly optimistic about anything we are told. The mood in our house has been pretty sedate as everyone is in a post hosting funk. My little girls have just about broken my heart with their prayers and discussion about Masha. Listening to my 8 year old, Carley, with tears in her eyes try to comfort Keira is about all I can take. We have had multiple tuck in sessions with teary eyed girls missing what could be their oldest sister. Sometimes I feel we may have exposed them to something way too difficult for them to have to deal with at such a young age. I hope for them that we end up with a Fairytale Ending.

     We did receive news today that Masha was registered Nov. 25th the day before Liz's birthday. Starting in May or June we will start all over with the paperwork we have already done. It took us 4 times last try to get them all right due to poor guidance. Hopefully we get them right the first time this go around. Our plan now is just to press forward like we are going to get her at the end of the year. We hope to get to host her again this summer if possible.

      We are praying that she will make good decisions this next year. I know a lot of life changing choices can be made at 15-16 years old, and we hope our constant contact with her will keep her on the right track.   Liz is probably being the most amazing computer mom a person could have, but there is no way to parent or give real guidance halfway across the world. 

    So for now we wait to see if we get approved to adopt her past 16, hope to get to host her for summer, and pray that we can go get Masha on Liz's Birthday.

"Don't Let the Fear of Striking Out Keep You from Swinging" Babe Ruth

      This is our last day at home with Masha Nicole before we leave tomorrow morning for Dallas and put her back on a plane to the Ukraine.  When we first got news that Masha Nicole was unavailable to adopt Liz and I were paralyzed by the news and could only think the worst.  Even though my optimism has almost been complete drained I am going to go back to what I know best, baseball.  Babe Ruth, an orphan himself, once said, "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from swinging."  This is the attitude I am going to adopt when it comes to bringing Masha home.  We may still strikeout, but I am going down swinging this time.   The mood in the house today is fairly sedate as everyone prepares for the inevitable departure.  Last night listening to my 7 year old Carley try to comfort my 5 year old Keira about the situation was almost heart breaking.  This was the one time I was thankful Masha could not understand English.   Today we are going to spend the day at home packing and preparing ourselves for what tomorrow holds.
     This last week we did not do much, but try to prepare Masha for what it would be like if she were to come live with us.  We have discussed boundaries, rules, and expectations. (Computer Rules are going to be our biggest obstacle.)  I will not say she was happy with all of them, but was compliant.  Liz set up an appointment at the High School with the ESL teacher here in town, and we got a tour of the new Yukon High School.  I was impressed by the size and the number of students at the school, so I am sure that Masha was completely intimidated.  Just like the previous hosting the last week has been panic mode for her and us.  Masha constantly wants pictures of everyone and everything before she goes back.  Yesterday we were lucky enough to have photographer, Lisa Doan, donate her time in taking some nice professional pictures of our family and Masha that we can send back with her.   I think Masha was more excited about getting pictures taken than any other part of her trip this time.   I am praying that the pictures we send back will keep her hope alive until we get to see her again.

   Thank you everyone that continues to pray and support what we are trying to do.  It is definitely far from the easiest thing we have taken on, and the prayers have to help.

   
     Well here we are in the lat week of hosting and I constantly feel sick at my stomach at the coming good bye.  The last 3 weeks we have seen much more of Masha Nicole than we ever did on her first trip here.   Last hosting it took us about 2 weeks to see her beautiful smile, but this trip I rarely see her without a smile.  The compassion and love she shows for my two daughters melts me as they play together every evening.  She may have even cracked some of my Dad's stone facade he puts up about the situation by telling him she knows he must be a good grandpa by the way my girls love him.  The previous hosting Masha went into panic mode around this time, where this time I feel that it is Liz and I that are grasping for straws.    We felt in our heart she would be a permanent part of our family by Christmas, and now this may be the last time we get to see her.  Unfortunately I have completely lost my optimistic outlook on our situation, but refuse to give up hope and will continue to do what is needed of us until it is an absolute no.  It has been nice this trip to have very honest real conversations with her about everything, but it still does not ease constant tension and feeling of unease that the unknown brings for us all.  I am sure there are others that have gone through the same thing know the roller coaster of emotions between helplessness, anger/sadness, bitterness, and for me down right Rage.

     As far as the hosting goes though it has been all happiness for the most part.   I think all 4 of my girls have burned both end of the candles the entire Holiday period.  There has been baking, ice skating, video gaming, skyping, movies, ice cream, ballet, shopping, shopping, and more shopping.   They have stayed so active we have completely run out of anything to do in Oklahoma this time of year.  The only poor behavior we have seen is typical of any teen, which is boredom.  I am pretty sure this is an incurable disease at this age.  We have had an exponential increase in the amount of English and English lessons this trip without pushing.  Last night Masha ordered her own meal at dinner.  It was completely unhealthy, but she ordered it herself.  We have almost cured the wearing the same clothing everyday other than this hideous turtleneck she says she has to wear to cover her neck.  Liz takes it every evening to wash it and hides it for the day so she has to wear something different.  My absolute favorite about this trip is the amount of laughter.  Masha's laugh is hilarious and borders on Eddie Murphy type funny.   Every time she starts laughing I can not help but laugh and before you know my 2 girls are laying on the floor laughing.   Nothing but good things about hosting again this trip.  It is good for the heart as long as you can handle the good bye.  If only the Adoption part of this could go as well.