"Decisions become easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world."

     Now that the dust has settled and all the quasi facts are on the table, Liz and I have some big decisions to make as a family.  So, by now we know Masha was never registered to be adopted in the first place.  It was a big mix up in how her name was spelled, and everyone wants to pass the buck that it is not their fault.  We know that she will be registered next Tuesday, November 8th.   To adopt anyone from Ukraine you have to wait 12 months after they are registered so it gives people in Ukraine the chance to have first pick.  Another fact is Masha turns 16 in March, which technically times her out of adoption age unless we travel to the Ukraine in Jan. or Feb. to submit a form to the U.S. Embassy that we want to adopt her.  Pending that decision, which we have heard there is no guarantee they will say yes, we can proceed to try this process all over again. Then starting around May or June we have to redo all the paperwork we have already done including a revised home study. Then if adoptions are not shut down or by some miracle everything goes as planned we can go back this time of year next year to get her.
     The hard part now is deciding what we are going to do.  Right now we are mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  We have put everything we have into making this happen just to have it come crumbling down.   A very big part of us really wants to throw in the towel.  We are concerned we do not have the energy to do this all over again.  We also worry about Masha's age.  Masha will be very close to 17 if not 17 by the time we can get her.  Liz and I were already worried about getting Masha adjusted to school and through it at 16, but losing another 1.5 years seems to really stack things against us all.  We are also concerned what will happen to her development wise in that amount of time. There is a big difference between the maturity of 15 and 17 year old.  Even as I type this those 2 reasons seem very selfish, but are very real.  This has already been quite the interruption to our family.  We expected a certain amount of trials and tribulations when we hosted Masha then proceeded to adopt, but right now we are exceeding the threshold of what can be dealt with.
   On the other side there is a precious little girl in Ukraine that we love very much.  I know everyone has their hosting experience, but we had THE hosting experience.  I could not have asked for a more perfect fit for hosting.  She showed a gentleness and compassion with my girls that immediately won me over.  Masha looked at Liz as if she was it; her mom, rescuer, friend,  guide, and her glimmer of hope.  Her face when she had to leave will forever be burned into the back of my eyes.   Without us or another family her chance at a better life will almost be gone.  

Please keep us in your prayers as we try to make the best decision for our Family and Masha.