A Second of Pain May Lead to a Lifetime of Greatness

   




 

    
      It has been a long time since I have had the time and energy to sit down and write.  Life in this house with 3 girls moves at light speed at times, and somethings just get placed on the back burner. So how are we fairing almost 3 years after bringing  Masha Nicole into the Atchley household?  Well, Liz continues to be the rock and the corner stone of the house.  She is mom, nurturer, FBI Agent, taxi, chef, tutor, enforcer, and the love of my life.  Carley is right in her footsteps with her need to overachieve in school, swim, and 2 a day gymnastics this summer.  She is more like Liz in every way everyday, and has pretty much declared she is the Alpha female in the house second to Liz.  Keira on the other hand still continues to be the light this house needs.  She has energy for days, kicks some gymnastics butt, and just plain makes this house a happier place.  She beams with positive energy and a zeal for life.  The one person I know if I'm having a rough day will be the first to give me hugs and snuggle, which takes away almost any ill mood.  Just like Carley is a mini Liz, I believe in my heart Keira has the light my mom once had.  My role in the house has not changed much.  I am the support and the provider.  I basically just try to keep up with the controlled chaos the best I can.  

     Now for the person this blog exists, Masha.   It has been an interesting first few years for us as a new family of 5.  I won't say it has been all rainbows and unicorns, but she has had some pretty significant accomplishments considering her start in life.   The highs include; a 4.0 student, Honor Society, she's passed 2/4 End of Instruction Exams, Driving Permit, a Car she assisted with a small amount of the down payment, a first date, a volunteer job at the Children's Hospital, and a much greater grasp of English.  Where there are highs there are inevitably lows to go with them, and we have had our share.  They are not unexpected, but that does not make things any easier.  I will not disclose our hardships as they are private and for Masha to share at some point in her life if she chooses.  I do hope she does share her story to help future children or teens that come from similar backgrounds.  I  pray that she will someday understand that all the pushing and expectations we place on her are to help her write her own story independent of us or anyone's assistance. My dream for her is to have what Liz and I have someday if she wants.   A crazy, imperfect, out of control, moving at the speed of light loving family of her own.  

Where have we been this last year?

January 18, 2014

     One year ago today we brought into our house a beautiful intelligent teenage girl from Ukraine, Masha Nicole Atchley.  It still feels good to actually type her full name, because I felt for so long Masha becoming our daughter would never be reality. I had completely lost faith and felt it was not going to be in our future to have another daughter, but an amazingly strong Mom and a daughter with childlike faith turned the impossible possible.  The tears, The Prayer, and emotional roller coaster will forever be a memory I will not soon forget.  That part of our journey is now just a memory, and now we live daily as a Family of Five.  

     So how are the Atchley's doing one year after bringing a 17 year old, Russian Speaking, hormone filled, emotional at times, opinionated daughter into our house?  I will admit if you would have asked me that after the first four months I may have had a different answer than I do today, but we are doing quite good.   How am I doing with 4 girls in one house?  About as good as a dad with 4 girls to answer to can do.  Mostly thanks to my wife which is my voice of reason on the female psyche.  

     You might ask how is Masha doing these days?  Well her list of accomplishments this year include: completing 2 semesters of school averaging over a 3.5 with classes that include real algebra I and physical science,  her first season of cross country somewhat gimped and is now onto track,  has steady babysitting jobs and a job offer already for the summer, groans her way through 4 hours of extra tutoring a week beyond school, reads daily now,  finishes her homework nightly, is verging on speaking English fluently, has mastered 2 different Just Dance Games, and has neatly found her place in this crazy Atchley Family where she will be loved forever.

    What are we looking to accomplish this next year.  Parents list:  friendships, a summer job, manage own money, improve English, continue to bust her butt in School and Track, and clean her bathroom and closest.  

Masha's List: Study Driving Manual and DRIVE.

Don't Stop Believing

     Two years ago in February Liz and I were sitting in bed browsing the Internet when we came across my cousin Racheal's mission trip to Ukraine to visit orphanages where children would be given the opportunity to visit the United States for 5 weeks with an American family.  We both had no idea what each was looking at, but simultaneously we both began to speak at the same time about it.  We decided this was something that would be good for our family, so we began the process of picking what child we wanted to host in our home..  There were a few hundred  very precious kids to choose from, but one profile spoke to us. A little girl named Masha who liked to run, wanted to learn to swim and ride a bike, and dreamed to have little sisters.  So the decision was made to host Masha.  Liz and I at first never intended to adopt , but to go into the experience with open hearts.   The rest of the story from the ups and downs have all been recorded in previous blogs.  Tomorrow our quest to bring Masha into our family finally ends.  Liz and Masha will both land tomorrow in Oklahoma City at 5:46 PM, and my family of 4 becomes a family of 5 adding Masha Nicole Atchley.

     I would like to welcome anyone that has been following our story to join us at the airport tomorrow to welcome them home.  I am hoping to show Masha the love and support that will line her future.

2 Weeks in Ukraine. Not a Short One.

     This one may be a long entry. Our trip started on Sunday December 23rd to the Ukraine from Oklahoma City.  The two little girls in the house were definitely way more excited than Liz and I for the day and a half of traveling.   The plane rides went uneventful with the girls laughing all the way from Chicago to Germany while watching foreign Cartoons.  The biggest hiccup on our journey on the way there was the Fast Train or the lack of.   After a full day of flying we get straight off the plane to get on a train.  We chose to travel via the fast train as it has working restrooms, it does not smell like a cattle processing facility, and it takes half the time.   Once we show up at the train station we find out that the train is broken and they will be placing us on another train.   The facilitator in Kiev looks at us very seriously and tells us that this is very bad. The word he actually used is it was going to be awful.  The train pulls in and in regular Ukraine fashion people start a stampede to cars as now there are no assigned seats.  It was every person for themselves, and they have no qualms trampling kids in the process.   The first car instantly fills up, so we some how luck into our own personal compartment on the second car.  This was the only thing we luck into on this train.   The car we ended up in has no lights, no heat, no working bathroom, and smells like we are in a porta potty.   It is -20 outside so we break into the suitcases and put all the Ski type clothes we have on immediately.  We finally arrive at our destination to exit the train in near blizzard type snow fall.  We now have 100 kilometers to travel to our apartment from the train station.   Our driver proceeds to drive 100-130km/hr (62-75mph) in these awesome conditions.  The only way to cope with it was to just go to sleep.  We finally arrive at our apartment around 2am Christmas day.  Fairly exhausting trip, but the girls were high as a kite and ready to go get Masha on Christmas.
    The reunion on Christmas Day with Masha went just as I had pictured in my mind. I knew the second she saw my girls the lighthearted fun loving Masha would appear, and it did.  Big happy tears appeared and Keira and Carley were attached to her hip for the rest of the trip.  Every time I see her interactions with the girls it reinforces the feeling we are doing the right thing.  I am positive she is more concerned with the girls feelings and emotions than anyone else in the house, which is just fine with me.
    The court date was covered in the last blog, so we'll just move on to some Ukrainian culture.  December 28th is Masha's best friend Tanya's birthday.  We were invited over for a small celebration and dinner.   The food was definitely a Ukrainian dinner and if you know my meat only diet most the food was not for me.  The most difficult part of making it through the evening was the number of toasts and what they use to toast with.   Every couple says a toast to the birthday girl and after every toast a shot of vodka is drank by everyone at the table.   I was basically done after the we got through the first line of toasts.  Liz was very good at faking her way through it. I just went along with the festivities.  It definitely made the language barrier way less stressful at least.
     New Year Day or S Novym Godom in Ukraine could be a blog post in itself. New Year is their biggest holiday celebration of the year.  When Masha stayed with us for hosting she was very displeased with our lack of doing anything for New Years other than staying up late, eating cookies, and watching TV fireworks.   Now I know why.  Everyone and I mean everyone in Ukraine appears to celebrate the New Year much like Christians celebrate Christmas other than they have fireworks that go off all night long and into the next day.   The town square was like a huge tailgating party with everyone having a spread of food and spirits to keep the night going.  Music and DJs kept the crowd awake with American music being the biggest hit.  It was awesome to hear Bon Jovi sang with a Russian accent by the crowd.   The actual day of New Year we were again invited over to Masha's friend's house to  have another meal. I declined all alcohol this time around.  I assume it was a traditional meal like Turkey is for us for Thanksgiving.  Again, I can not say I enjoyed most the food, but how much effort put into the preparation was impressive.  This particular home was like stepping back into the 50s.  The men set around the table watching TV while the women spent the time in the Kitchen I am pretty sure making fun of the men.  I had to glance at Liz several times as the Dad barked orders to the wife knowing that definitely would not fly in our house.  The family that hosted us for New Years was a Godsend while we were there, and we are very thankful for the hospitality.
     The next day the girls and I had to leave with heavy hearts.  Again it was a brutal 2 days of travel.  The girls and I got on the nice train at 5pm the 2nd to head to Kiev.  We slept in the airport  and got back on a plane at 6am the morning of the 3rd.  We flew from Kiev, Ukraine to Frankfurt, Germany to Washington D.C, and then finally home to Oklahoma City.  The trip home went smooth as possible despite my anxiety until we hit U.S. soil.  We already had a 4 hour layover in DC that turned into 6.5 hours due to flight delays.  Then on the decent into the Oklahoma City Airport the ride gets very bumpy causing Keira to loses it, and she proceeds to vomit all over herself, our carry-ons, and of coarse me.  We finally land around 8:30 that evening, and are home in bed by 9:30.
     Now for the hard part.   Liz and Masha are stuck in Ukraine for 2 more weeks from today due to technicalities with the process.  So far everything has gone as it should, but the Ukraine Government shuts down from Jan. 1-8 so nothing can be done until it opens back up.   I would love to complain about being home by myself without the person I love most in the world, but I have the easy part.  I am in my nice cozy home with my 2 little girls where we have no limitations on what we want to do.  Liz is stuck in a tiny stinky apartment, without good transportation, with terrible food, in a place where communication is difficult at best, and she worries and misses her other two girls terribly.  I know if anyone can make the best out of the situation it is Liz.  She has the amazing ability to turn anything into an adventure.  I am praying daily for my two girls stuck in another country that they will be home soon in the comfort of our home forever.     
    

Faith allows things to happen. It is the power that comes from a fearless heart. And when a fearless heart believes, miracles happen.

    I start with a Faith quote, because that is what brought us here today.  Two weeks before our first trip to Ukraine Liz and I were broken and ready to call it all off.  We finally got the strength to sit our girls down and discuss that we were going to give up our attempts to get Masha.  There were tears and disbelief that we would give up.  (We preach daily to never give up regardless of the reason) Carley at the end of the conversation said she would pray and we would be going to see Masha for Christmas.  I assured her it was over and final even after her comment.  She looked at me as serious as Carley can be, and she told me she was still going to pray and we would be seeing Masha for Christmas.  Her faith even then rattled me as it was so confident, and I was afraid that she would be crushed when we did not proceed.  The next week she spent every night praying at bedtime that we would get Masha on Christmas.  Then somehow everything that was in disarray just seemed to right itself, so Liz and I took off on our first trip to Ukraine that you have already read about.  After returning all we had to do is bid our time for the court date to go back.  A week and a half later we get our court date of December 26th, but we picked Masha up on Christmas Day and have had her since.  I have no doubt the events unfolded like they did because of one 8 year old's childlike powerful faith.
     Today was court day.  The start of the day was filled with mixed emotions; nervousness, doubt, happiness, fear of sadness, and under all that shear excitement for what could be.  Court consisted of two jurors, judge, prosecuting attorney, ophanage representative, our translator, Masha, and our family.  Normal questions were asked of us that one would expect when adopting.  I could elaborate so much more, but this would become a novel.  Then it was Masha's turn, and our turn to fight back tears with her answer.  She described our family as something out of her dreams that she did not even know could actually exist.  Masha's words for Liz and my girls did bring me to the brink of tears, and I think I would have lost it if  they continued with the current line of questioning.  Finally they got to the real question, "Do you Masha, want to be Masha Nicole Atchley forever?"  Her answer was an immediate yes without hesitation, however just like us I can see the fear of the unknown in her eyes.  We have discussed each one of those fears, but she has never known the unconditional love of a family that will not abandon her.  She is about to embark on a great adventure into the unknown with people that say they love her, but in essence know very little of her.  I like to again think of it as an incredible leap of Faith though I know there are many factors in her decision.   The sense I get from her today is she is happy for what lies ahead of her, but scared to leave everything she has ever known behind.


PS. I will add the adventurers of 3 days of traveling with two little ones on a future blog.  Let's put it this way if travel could be worse I don't know how.  The girls never once moaned groaned no matter how bad it got.

Day 3 & 4 Reunited

     Day 3 in Ukraine we thought would be a complete waste because we had to wait on permission to travel to Masha's region until late in the evening.  We could not have been more wrong.  Nastya our facilitator sent us a guide to give us a tour of Kiev.  This young lady, Masha, gave us an incredible tour of the city with an in depth account of the 1500 year history of  Kiev, Ukraine.  Usually I am not a big history buff, but she held both of our attentions throughout the day.  The highlight of the tour was the Catacombs at the Kiev Monastary. Walking through the caves with the caskets and the religious symbols was very Indiana Jonesish.   The tour was soon over and we were on to what we heard was the dreaded train ride to Masha.   I thought every one was crazy at first, because the cabin was not bad, I didn't mind the loud rocking of the train, and I've been in worse bathrooms at football games.  Then two hours into the ride I was awaken by sauna like temperatures in our cabin.   There was absolutely no way to turn it down or off, so the temp just kept rising.  We resorted to opening the cabin door just to be met by more heat. I'm pretty sure it was almost hot enough to crack an egg and cook it on the floor.  Liz and I rode in complete misery for the next 7 hours.  I will now agree with everyone the train is just flat awful.
     Day 4 was the day we finally got to see Masha.  The reunion could not have gone better.  We got big smiles and huge hugs.  The director got right to business asking Masha if she was ready to sign her letter of intent.  There was no hesitation in her answer of да.  We then spent the rest of the morning at the orphanage while the facilitator started all the paperwork, and the afternoon running around the small town getting more signatures, copies, and notaries.  Masha got to spend the entire day with us while we did the paperwork, but it really ate into the quality time we got to spend with her.  Unfortunately our time was short with her and we had to board a different more comfortable train back to Kiev to make our flight home.  We are currently sitting in the Kiev airport getting ready to start our journey home.   We are praying that we have the shortest waiting period for our court date, so that we can bring the girls with us.   Things are looking good right now as our facilitator was able to get every signature he needed in one day, which usually takes 3-4.  He will submit our paperwork the first of next week then it will just be waiting for the court date to come.  Following that court appearance Masha officially becomes our daughter.

Day 2 Ministry of Magic Appointment.

     Day 2, appointment day, or first of 3 D days.  Today is the first day we actually accomplished something for real.  We met with the State Department of Adoption/SDA/Ministry of Magic.  This is where you set down with Ukraine officials select Masha, tell a little about yourself, and hear Masha's psychosocial and physical status.  I will have to say Liz quite impressed me with her Russian as she answered questions directly to the lady helping us without the translator.  I think it also put the official at ease because at first she appeared uptight and tense.  That seemed to change with a little effort from Liz to speak the language.  We also had to present a photo album, which they looked through every page and asked many questions.  After the interrogation we were told to come back the next day for approval to go down to see Masha.  Not sure why it takes a whole day, but it looks like we will finally see Masha on Friday after being here the entire week.  Tomorrow we will go on a 10-12 hour train ride to see our girl.
     Riding our high from a successful appointment Liz and I set out on foot around Kiev.  We probably covered a solid 10 miles of walking.  This place is truly a shopping girls paradise.  I thank God we only have so much room in our suit cases, because I think Liz has seen a million pairs of boots she would buy.  We ended up again eating something not very adventurous and settled on Pizza.  We did however eat dessert at a coffe shop and had some nice coffee and cheesecake.   I was feeling pretty good following the coffee and really tried to get Liz to head to a club and go dancing, but was completely unsuccessful.  She was worried how it would be perceived.   I was thinking it would be a good way to experience more of the culture myself.  Instead we came back to the apartment, she put on her flannel pajamas, watched it pour down snow, and now we are going to sleep.

Ukraine Day 1

     Day 1 pretty uneventful .   The only thing we did was stop by the grocery store, which was not much different than at home other than you have to lock up backpacks before you shop and the swap meet like shops you walk through to get to the groceries.  The people and driving remind me a lot like  New York, lots of pushing in baggage claim, no use of excuse me, and tons of honking in traffic with crossing more lanes than a person should at once.  Liz even stated she needed to put her New York hat back on, and the airport instantly reminded me of her friend Shannon throwing people out her way to get my bags when she picked me up 15 years ago.  After the grocery store we headed back to the apartment  which is very nice inside, the exterior reminds me of something right out of the movies or Rocky V.      I am very boring when it comes to trying new food so we went to TGIFs for some very American cuisine.  When dinner was finished we went for a short walk around the streets of Kiev.  I noticed Liz blended in very well and I stick out pretty noticeably as I got lots of stares at dinner and walking down the street.   Guess I'll attempt to wear a stocking cap and Johnny Cash type attire the rest of the trip.  Back at the apartment we pretty much crashed after a rather brutal day of travel.  We slept for a couple of hours, woke up to talk to the girls via Skype, and then back to bed.
      Wednesday is a pretty big day as we have our meeting with the ministry of magic to get our ok to go see Masha.  After the meeting we plan to get our adventurer hats on and explore the city some since we can not leave to Masha's region until the following day.  More to come as the 2 year quest to bring Masha home continues.

There is No Certainty; there is only Adventure!

    So it is officially official, we have our dates to fly to Ukraine and meet with the ministry of magic.  Liz and I will leave Monday, have our meeting on Wednesday, then travel immediately from there to Masha's orphanage to have her write the letter of intent.  This ridiculous roller coaster ride of uncertainty is about to come to a finite end in the next 6-8 weeks.   I think in the last 2 months we have been to both extremes on our decision to continue, but when it comes down to it there is a little girl that we have had in our house for 10 weeks that we all fell in Love with.   Our real adventure starts next week as we work to permanently make Masha a part of our family.  Liz and I both know that there is no certainty on how things will go once we bring her home, but we hope with our love and guidance we can help her to change her stars.  We know there are some that will think we are crazy, some that will not understand, and others that flat just do not agree with what we are doing, but we hope that those that feel that way can find in their heart to be supportive as getting her home will just be the beginning of the journey. 

A Very Short Update

     A quick word on where we are at right now.  All our paperwork has been submitted.  We actually received a travel date to Ukraine, but it is 2 weeks before Masha is available.  Since Masha isn't available to adopt until November 28th we had to turn down the date and request another.  The issue with having to turn down the date is we are only allowed 3 appointment dates.  If the next date doesn't fit in the appropriate time frame we will be out of luck.  Right now we are taking it one day at a time not getting our hopes up too much.  Not one thing has gone as planned to date, so no reason to expect it will in the future.

Round 2 "Ding Ding"

     Round 2 is now officially in the works.  Liz  has ran all over the place completing all of our paperwork hopefully for the last time.  The documents have been signed, apostilled, sealed, and delivered.  We just pray they are correct the first time this go around.  I have learned that nothing is official or set in stone in this process, but tentative travel dates will be traveling the first week of December, the week of Christmas, and sometime after the first of the year.  The third trip will bring Masha home permanently if everything goes as planned.  All we can do now is sit on our hands, wait, and see how it turns out as everything again is completely out of our control from this point forward.

 All the Papers to be Apostilled

     On a positive note we have been in constant contact with Masha over the last few months and talk to her almost daily.   We have had multiple conversations on her desire to come and her answer is always an emphatic, Yes.  Liz calls and actually talks to her, which is quite impressive at times, while I am lazy and just send text messages through the translator over the phone.  Masha has been very sweet and asks mostly about Carley and Keira.  We have even discussed changing her name when she comes home and have settled on Masha Nicole.  She wanted to change her whole name, but the girls put a big guilt trip on her as she will always be Masha to them so Masha Nicole it will be.  The next few months should be anything, but boring in our house as things in this process always seems to be in flux.   We are setting around 120 days until the first of December so let the countdown begin and pray for the Happy Ending that should have happened in Round 1.

A Long Time Coming

     It has been awhile since I have had the energy to sit down and put words to what is going on in our attempt to get Masha.  Liz has been after me for awhile about giving an update on the process, but it is hard to always write on the negative side of things.  We had several things in the works over the last few months hoping we could get Masha here by this summer, but they are not going to work out.  The other disappointing thing is now that Liz has applied for Masha to be adopted past 16 we can not host her for this summer as the U.S. looks at her as a flight risk.  We really wanted to use this summer hosting to see if she was prepared to do what she needed to do to make a life here, again not possible.  Now we are left with every other night discussions about what we are going to do.  I will admit that it is my faith and drive to continue that has wavered while Liz is staying strong.   I am plagued with multiple questions that as we lose more and more time appear harder for me to answer.   The only thing I am sure of is we can at least give her a better life, and  everyone in the family loves her.  The other questions mostly center around my selfishness and how much it will actually affect my 2 girls.  The problem with those questions is it will take a leap of faith to find the answer.
     So, where are we at right now?  Absolutely nothing can be done until November as she was not registered until Nov. 25th.   We do however have to start the entire process over again as our initial efforts have been flushed down the drain because too much time has elapsed.  So new home studies, medical assessments, and possibly a new I600A dependent on when we would actually travel.  I guess it is good that the only thing we knew for sure going in to this process is it is far from cheap.  Best case scenario is we get her by end of December with a much more realistic timeline being sometime in January or February.   A lot can change in a span of a few months with these kids, so we will sit back, attempt to relax, and see where the journey takes us.   

A Week of Being Mr. Mom

      Last week Liz traveled to Ukraine to file for the extension to adopt Masha past the age of 16.  The paper work is filed and we believe is considered to be accepted at this point.  Initially Liz was going to go to the embassy and back, but we decided that she should at least make a trip to see Masha if she was going to fly all that way.   Liz and her mom left early Saturday morning our time, filed the paperwork early Monday morning in Ukraine, and were then on a train to see Masha Monday afternoon.   They arrived in the town nearest Masha's orphanage late Monday night for some much needed rest.  Tuesday morning they were up and out the door early for a trip to see Masha.  Liz and her mother, Doreen, got to spend most of the next three days with Masha visiting friends and family. The first night, dinner was with Masha's half brother and grandparents that wish very much for her to come here.  Liz made sure to set up a skype account at their house before she left.   The next night Liz got caught up in Ukrainian tradition of toasting drinks at dinner with a family that has known Masha since she was a little girl.  I am pretty sure it was Liz's first ever experience with cognac, and I do not think she kept up very well with the game of Choot Choot.  Masha went back to the orphanage Thursday afternoon, and Liz spent the afternoon with a Canadian Minister (Pastor John) that is doing mission work with the orphanage. There is much more to fill in here, but just not enough time. Liz met with several adoptive families while she was there. There were good stories and stories with not so happy endings.  She got to spend some quality time with the Hanquets, which have adopted one daughter already and were there for another.  Liz really appreciated their hospitality and it made it easier for me to know that there was another family there that was such a big help to Liz.   It was an exhausting, fast, and furious week that I am not sure she has recovered from yet.

     As for me as a single dad.  The weekend started out great.  I filled the days with movies, ice cream, bounce places, dinner with friends, shopping for mom and the girls, and lots of chocolate consumption. Then the week started and my shining reputation as a dad quickly went out the window.  The very first day of real dad responsibility the girls get to school 3 hours late.  I do have a couple of excuses due to snow and a baby sitter being stuck in Amarillo because of weather, but in the end I failed so they get a big fat tardy on the first day of me being Mr. Mom.   The rest of the week went quite a bit more smoothly with Papa doing the lions share of  carting our girls around from activity to activity and even helping out with homework and dinner a couple of days.  Not sure what I would have done with out him that week.  My cousin Jordyn and Liz's sister Leah pitched in a couple of days to help out as well.  Without the help of these three people the week just would not have happened.  I'd would love to say I owned the week and had everything completely organized and put together like I do in my O.R., but that would be a lie.  I pretty much spent from the time I got off work till way after I usually go to bed running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Everything got done every night, but it was never quite as silky smooth as Liz seems to accomplish it.  I think my  two biggest accomplishment were Liz getting home and not being able to make the regular wife statement, "What have you been doing while I've been gone? The house is a wreck!", and I even got a compliment on how nice the girls looked every day, even their hair.   We picked Liz up late Friday night and you could instantly feel the tension ease in the house with MOM being home.  The girls were instantly happier and I actually slept all night without waking up every hour from thinking I forgot to get something ready.

Liz,

I love you forever

I like you for always

As long as I'm living

My wife you will be

Love,

  Chris.

"When the road ahead seems too long, look back to see how far you’ve come. For, even if the hill before you is steep, the view gives you hope to finish the journey."

     A couple of weeks have gone by since our Masha had to go back to Ukraine, but our quest to get her back continues. Liz leaves middle of February for Ukraine to file the paperwork to try to extend Masha's eligibility to be adopted after she turns 16. Liz will spend a week there by herself with only a slim chance of getting to see Masha. We have heard by traveling there no one gets turned down, but at this point we are not overly optimistic about anything we are told. The mood in our house has been pretty sedate as everyone is in a post hosting funk. My little girls have just about broken my heart with their prayers and discussion about Masha. Listening to my 8 year old, Carley, with tears in her eyes try to comfort Keira is about all I can take. We have had multiple tuck in sessions with teary eyed girls missing what could be their oldest sister. Sometimes I feel we may have exposed them to something way too difficult for them to have to deal with at such a young age. I hope for them that we end up with a Fairytale Ending.

     We did receive news today that Masha was registered Nov. 25th the day before Liz's birthday. Starting in May or June we will start all over with the paperwork we have already done. It took us 4 times last try to get them all right due to poor guidance. Hopefully we get them right the first time this go around. Our plan now is just to press forward like we are going to get her at the end of the year. We hope to get to host her again this summer if possible.

      We are praying that she will make good decisions this next year. I know a lot of life changing choices can be made at 15-16 years old, and we hope our constant contact with her will keep her on the right track.   Liz is probably being the most amazing computer mom a person could have, but there is no way to parent or give real guidance halfway across the world. 

    So for now we wait to see if we get approved to adopt her past 16, hope to get to host her for summer, and pray that we can go get Masha on Liz's Birthday.

"Don't Let the Fear of Striking Out Keep You from Swinging" Babe Ruth

      This is our last day at home with Masha Nicole before we leave tomorrow morning for Dallas and put her back on a plane to the Ukraine.  When we first got news that Masha Nicole was unavailable to adopt Liz and I were paralyzed by the news and could only think the worst.  Even though my optimism has almost been complete drained I am going to go back to what I know best, baseball.  Babe Ruth, an orphan himself, once said, "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from swinging."  This is the attitude I am going to adopt when it comes to bringing Masha home.  We may still strikeout, but I am going down swinging this time.   The mood in the house today is fairly sedate as everyone prepares for the inevitable departure.  Last night listening to my 7 year old Carley try to comfort my 5 year old Keira about the situation was almost heart breaking.  This was the one time I was thankful Masha could not understand English.   Today we are going to spend the day at home packing and preparing ourselves for what tomorrow holds.
     This last week we did not do much, but try to prepare Masha for what it would be like if she were to come live with us.  We have discussed boundaries, rules, and expectations. (Computer Rules are going to be our biggest obstacle.)  I will not say she was happy with all of them, but was compliant.  Liz set up an appointment at the High School with the ESL teacher here in town, and we got a tour of the new Yukon High School.  I was impressed by the size and the number of students at the school, so I am sure that Masha was completely intimidated.  Just like the previous hosting the last week has been panic mode for her and us.  Masha constantly wants pictures of everyone and everything before she goes back.  Yesterday we were lucky enough to have photographer, Lisa Doan, donate her time in taking some nice professional pictures of our family and Masha that we can send back with her.   I think Masha was more excited about getting pictures taken than any other part of her trip this time.   I am praying that the pictures we send back will keep her hope alive until we get to see her again.

   Thank you everyone that continues to pray and support what we are trying to do.  It is definitely far from the easiest thing we have taken on, and the prayers have to help.

   
     Well here we are in the lat week of hosting and I constantly feel sick at my stomach at the coming good bye.  The last 3 weeks we have seen much more of Masha Nicole than we ever did on her first trip here.   Last hosting it took us about 2 weeks to see her beautiful smile, but this trip I rarely see her without a smile.  The compassion and love she shows for my two daughters melts me as they play together every evening.  She may have even cracked some of my Dad's stone facade he puts up about the situation by telling him she knows he must be a good grandpa by the way my girls love him.  The previous hosting Masha went into panic mode around this time, where this time I feel that it is Liz and I that are grasping for straws.    We felt in our heart she would be a permanent part of our family by Christmas, and now this may be the last time we get to see her.  Unfortunately I have completely lost my optimistic outlook on our situation, but refuse to give up hope and will continue to do what is needed of us until it is an absolute no.  It has been nice this trip to have very honest real conversations with her about everything, but it still does not ease constant tension and feeling of unease that the unknown brings for us all.  I am sure there are others that have gone through the same thing know the roller coaster of emotions between helplessness, anger/sadness, bitterness, and for me down right Rage.

     As far as the hosting goes though it has been all happiness for the most part.   I think all 4 of my girls have burned both end of the candles the entire Holiday period.  There has been baking, ice skating, video gaming, skyping, movies, ice cream, ballet, shopping, shopping, and more shopping.   They have stayed so active we have completely run out of anything to do in Oklahoma this time of year.  The only poor behavior we have seen is typical of any teen, which is boredom.  I am pretty sure this is an incurable disease at this age.  We have had an exponential increase in the amount of English and English lessons this trip without pushing.  Last night Masha ordered her own meal at dinner.  It was completely unhealthy, but she ordered it herself.  We have almost cured the wearing the same clothing everyday other than this hideous turtleneck she says she has to wear to cover her neck.  Liz takes it every evening to wash it and hides it for the day so she has to wear something different.  My absolute favorite about this trip is the amount of laughter.  Masha's laugh is hilarious and borders on Eddie Murphy type funny.   Every time she starts laughing I can not help but laugh and before you know my 2 girls are laying on the floor laughing.   Nothing but good things about hosting again this trip.  It is good for the heart as long as you can handle the good bye.  If only the Adoption part of this could go as well.

A Comforting Reunion

      The first week of winter hosting is in the books. I will have to say it has been very comforting to have Masha back in our house. Maybe the best sleep Liz and I have gotten since she left. Despite the massive language barrier she just seems to fit, looks and personality. Airport pick up was way less stressful this year as we were met with huge hugs. Masha did not release her hug on me until her baggage came around to be picked up. The first week has been busy as we told her to bring absolutely nothing so we could fit more with her to send back. She brought nothing! Wednesday and Thursday were spent clothes shopping, she picked up right where she left off being very picky. We did manage to get 3 pairs of jeans, sweat shirts, and yes a dress (More on that later). Carley and Keira instantly took up were they left off with Masha and have not left her side. The best part is Masha enjoys them and has yet to be annoyed by the over stimulation. Masha is very good at making sure she gives each equal attention. She is just as sweet as the last time we hosted her. I really felt we may have somewhat of a different experience since she would already be comfortable with us. I guess realistically I am waiting for the I am not sure what to do moment. Hopefully we never have it during hosting.

     Friday and Sunday were all about the girls in my house events. Friday night Liz hosted a mother daughter ornament exchange. This was a bit too much for Masha as she did not want to come out of her room. Although I can not imagine why with 30 women and children probably talking about her and she has no idea what they are saying. With a little coaxing from Liz she came downstairs for the exchange game. This is the first time we have had to make her do anything, and she handled it well. The second event was the Nutcracker Ballet. The question here is, would we get Masha in a dress? The answer is after Liz using her mom voice she complied, and before I knew it I had 4 beautiful girls standing in front of me in the living room for pictures. Masha had never been to a ballet, and loved it. I even managed to stay awake through the whole thing. It was good to know we did not use up all the first experiences on the first trip.

     Overall our second hosting experience is just as much of a blessing if not more. It has confirmed to us that we have made the right decision to continue forward even if the results do not end up what we would like them to be. It still continues to be a roller coaster as we find more occasions where our agency and facilitator have dropped the ball. We have even found out that official paperwork could have been filed back during our initial hosting that would have given us her status long ago legally. I am still trying to figure out why we were not given this option in the beginning even if it took 8-12 weeks.  We also find ourselves trying not to have a bitter feeling about how the entire process went down.  The next three weeks are going be all about making the best out of the time we get.   Hopefully a Christmas miracle will happen, and we can figure something out soon.

A Bitter/Sweet Visit

     I have not been very good at keeping up our blog lately as we have not really received much in the way of positive news when it comes to Masha Nicole.  I did not start this blog to sound critical, bitter, or extremely negative, but looking at my last several entries that is exactly what it looks like.  I would love to take back the last few entries, but every feeling, frustration, or injustice is absolutely true.  I want it to be out there so people know not to expect a nice perfectly smooth process.  This is the one time in life where I would expect the worst and hope for the best. 
     Now for the good news and what this blog was created for.  Masha will be here tomorrow night at 11pm, and we get her for 4 weeks before we have to send her back again.   We are going to try to only focus on the positives while she is here even though a few days I am sure we will end up with some sobbing.  Masha has been texting us all day with her Ukraine version of Yippie I think, so we know she is as pumped as we are.  After we pick her up we have given her the option to stay in a hotel or head straight back to Oklahoma, which will be a 3 hour drive.  She wants to head straight home so she can see the girls first thing when they woke up in the morning.  I am pretty much sure the drive will consist of Masha and Liz sleeping while I drive.   Even though they will be sleeping I think it will bring a level of comfort I have not had since she left.    
     This is a very bitter/sweet visit at the same time though.  We still very much want to bring Masha in as part of our family, and I believe she wants it even more so.  She has almost been in panic mode as of late because her best friend is currently being adopted out of the orphanage right now, and we were suppose to be there at the same time getting Masha.  We actually even received travel dates for next week to go, but she is not available.  I know at some point we will have to broach this topic while she is here, and it is going to be extremely difficult.  I have been praying that the right things to say will come to me, because right now I have nothing.   Best case scenario is we can get her next November with a more realistic time being right before her 17th birthday in March.  That is if the Ministry of Magic actually got her in the system.  We have made the decision to ride this out as long as the road will take us and then some to get Masha here.  We just hope and pray when we get to the end of the road we end up with happy addition to our family, Masha Nicole.

Sorry if Anyone is Offended

     There is a saying frequently said to Liz and I to bring comfort that actually bothers me quite a bit.  This is not meant to offend anyone, and if you disagree I will not think less of anyone. In fact there is a small amount of scripture that might actually support an opposing view or even entire denominations that follow Calvinistic teachings. The saying, that can be put many different ways is, "It is all in God's plan."  Spin as many ways as you want, but that is the just of it.  As we have progressed through the trials and tribulations with Masha we have heard this at least a hundred times now.  Every time I hear this I absolutely cringe inside, but attempt to keep a calm exterior because I know someone is just really attempting to be thoughtful.  It bothers me to think of God, that sent his only Son to die for our sins, is playing us like puppets or chess pieces.    So if it is true that we have a predestined path to follow, then God creates all the; hurt, suffering, disease, starvation, murder, etc. that we experience, and we have no responsibility for our own actions.  In fact why even attend church if He has already predestined who is and who is not going to heaven.  I know I am taking this a little to the extreme to make a point, but why would God purposefully put any child in an orphanage or give them a glimpse of the family they could have then take it away? To continue that though why would He take the most amazing mom from a son and leave a gaping whole in family that needed her?  I will not pretend to think that I know what God is thinking,  I just do not see Him, "the God who so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16 being that kind of God.  I do not see Him like the person that dangles a carrot in front of the donkey just to get him to walk and then takes it away when they arrive at their destination. 
      In fact I believe quite the opposite.  Every disease, hurt, murder, abortion, or what ever you can come up with was in fact caused by man's decisions.  I think even atheist will agree that man's inherent nature is sinful depending on how you define sin.   Every road block, hiccup, or heart ache we have received through this process is not a God thing, it is a glowing example of man's corrupt selfish nature.   Now do I think God answers prayers, Yes. Do I think miracles happen, Yes.  Do I believe he left us here to rot and kill each other, No.   However, without freewill to make our own choices evil, good, or indifferent it takes away the reason God created man, which was to have fellowship with Him.  I am not sure about you, but I have never had much fellowship with a puppet. Now I do think God has a plan, but we choose or do not choose to be part of it.  We chose to have fellowship with Him, we chose to follow the teachings of the Bible, and then He decides if our heart really is were we confess it to be and allows us into heaven.  I will leave a few scriptures that I think mostly deal with predestination vs. freewill, but I think they apply to the God has a plan theory.  Feel free to comment or even disagree.

He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-- John 1:10-12 NIV

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. Titus 2:11.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Matthew 28:19 NIV


 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.  Hebrews 11:6




Please excuse all the Grammar mistakes as my Editor is at Gymnastics with my Girls.



 

"Decisions become easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world."

     Now that the dust has settled and all the quasi facts are on the table, Liz and I have some big decisions to make as a family.  So, by now we know Masha was never registered to be adopted in the first place.  It was a big mix up in how her name was spelled, and everyone wants to pass the buck that it is not their fault.  We know that she will be registered next Tuesday, November 8th.   To adopt anyone from Ukraine you have to wait 12 months after they are registered so it gives people in Ukraine the chance to have first pick.  Another fact is Masha turns 16 in March, which technically times her out of adoption age unless we travel to the Ukraine in Jan. or Feb. to submit a form to the U.S. Embassy that we want to adopt her.  Pending that decision, which we have heard there is no guarantee they will say yes, we can proceed to try this process all over again. Then starting around May or June we have to redo all the paperwork we have already done including a revised home study. Then if adoptions are not shut down or by some miracle everything goes as planned we can go back this time of year next year to get her.
     The hard part now is deciding what we are going to do.  Right now we are mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  We have put everything we have into making this happen just to have it come crumbling down.   A very big part of us really wants to throw in the towel.  We are concerned we do not have the energy to do this all over again.  We also worry about Masha's age.  Masha will be very close to 17 if not 17 by the time we can get her.  Liz and I were already worried about getting Masha adjusted to school and through it at 16, but losing another 1.5 years seems to really stack things against us all.  We are also concerned what will happen to her development wise in that amount of time. There is a big difference between the maturity of 15 and 17 year old.  Even as I type this those 2 reasons seem very selfish, but are very real.  This has already been quite the interruption to our family.  We expected a certain amount of trials and tribulations when we hosted Masha then proceeded to adopt, but right now we are exceeding the threshold of what can be dealt with.
   On the other side there is a precious little girl in Ukraine that we love very much.  I know everyone has their hosting experience, but we had THE hosting experience.  I could not have asked for a more perfect fit for hosting.  She showed a gentleness and compassion with my girls that immediately won me over.  Masha looked at Liz as if she was it; her mom, rescuer, friend,  guide, and her glimmer of hope.  Her face when she had to leave will forever be burned into the back of my eyes.   Without us or another family her chance at a better life will almost be gone.  

Please keep us in your prayers as we try to make the best decision for our Family and Masha.