A Second of Pain May Lead to a Lifetime of Greatness

   




 

    
      It has been a long time since I have had the time and energy to sit down and write.  Life in this house with 3 girls moves at light speed at times, and somethings just get placed on the back burner. So how are we fairing almost 3 years after bringing  Masha Nicole into the Atchley household?  Well, Liz continues to be the rock and the corner stone of the house.  She is mom, nurturer, FBI Agent, taxi, chef, tutor, enforcer, and the love of my life.  Carley is right in her footsteps with her need to overachieve in school, swim, and 2 a day gymnastics this summer.  She is more like Liz in every way everyday, and has pretty much declared she is the Alpha female in the house second to Liz.  Keira on the other hand still continues to be the light this house needs.  She has energy for days, kicks some gymnastics butt, and just plain makes this house a happier place.  She beams with positive energy and a zeal for life.  The one person I know if I'm having a rough day will be the first to give me hugs and snuggle, which takes away almost any ill mood.  Just like Carley is a mini Liz, I believe in my heart Keira has the light my mom once had.  My role in the house has not changed much.  I am the support and the provider.  I basically just try to keep up with the controlled chaos the best I can.  

     Now for the person this blog exists, Masha.   It has been an interesting first few years for us as a new family of 5.  I won't say it has been all rainbows and unicorns, but she has had some pretty significant accomplishments considering her start in life.   The highs include; a 4.0 student, Honor Society, she's passed 2/4 End of Instruction Exams, Driving Permit, a Car she assisted with a small amount of the down payment, a first date, a volunteer job at the Children's Hospital, and a much greater grasp of English.  Where there are highs there are inevitably lows to go with them, and we have had our share.  They are not unexpected, but that does not make things any easier.  I will not disclose our hardships as they are private and for Masha to share at some point in her life if she chooses.  I do hope she does share her story to help future children or teens that come from similar backgrounds.  I  pray that she will someday understand that all the pushing and expectations we place on her are to help her write her own story independent of us or anyone's assistance. My dream for her is to have what Liz and I have someday if she wants.   A crazy, imperfect, out of control, moving at the speed of light loving family of her own.  

Where have we been this last year?

January 18, 2014

     One year ago today we brought into our house a beautiful intelligent teenage girl from Ukraine, Masha Nicole Atchley.  It still feels good to actually type her full name, because I felt for so long Masha becoming our daughter would never be reality. I had completely lost faith and felt it was not going to be in our future to have another daughter, but an amazingly strong Mom and a daughter with childlike faith turned the impossible possible.  The tears, The Prayer, and emotional roller coaster will forever be a memory I will not soon forget.  That part of our journey is now just a memory, and now we live daily as a Family of Five.  

     So how are the Atchley's doing one year after bringing a 17 year old, Russian Speaking, hormone filled, emotional at times, opinionated daughter into our house?  I will admit if you would have asked me that after the first four months I may have had a different answer than I do today, but we are doing quite good.   How am I doing with 4 girls in one house?  About as good as a dad with 4 girls to answer to can do.  Mostly thanks to my wife which is my voice of reason on the female psyche.  

     You might ask how is Masha doing these days?  Well her list of accomplishments this year include: completing 2 semesters of school averaging over a 3.5 with classes that include real algebra I and physical science,  her first season of cross country somewhat gimped and is now onto track,  has steady babysitting jobs and a job offer already for the summer, groans her way through 4 hours of extra tutoring a week beyond school, reads daily now,  finishes her homework nightly, is verging on speaking English fluently, has mastered 2 different Just Dance Games, and has neatly found her place in this crazy Atchley Family where she will be loved forever.

    What are we looking to accomplish this next year.  Parents list:  friendships, a summer job, manage own money, improve English, continue to bust her butt in School and Track, and clean her bathroom and closest.  

Masha's List: Study Driving Manual and DRIVE.

Don't Stop Believing

     Two years ago in February Liz and I were sitting in bed browsing the Internet when we came across my cousin Racheal's mission trip to Ukraine to visit orphanages where children would be given the opportunity to visit the United States for 5 weeks with an American family.  We both had no idea what each was looking at, but simultaneously we both began to speak at the same time about it.  We decided this was something that would be good for our family, so we began the process of picking what child we wanted to host in our home..  There were a few hundred  very precious kids to choose from, but one profile spoke to us. A little girl named Masha who liked to run, wanted to learn to swim and ride a bike, and dreamed to have little sisters.  So the decision was made to host Masha.  Liz and I at first never intended to adopt , but to go into the experience with open hearts.   The rest of the story from the ups and downs have all been recorded in previous blogs.  Tomorrow our quest to bring Masha into our family finally ends.  Liz and Masha will both land tomorrow in Oklahoma City at 5:46 PM, and my family of 4 becomes a family of 5 adding Masha Nicole Atchley.

     I would like to welcome anyone that has been following our story to join us at the airport tomorrow to welcome them home.  I am hoping to show Masha the love and support that will line her future.

2 Weeks in Ukraine. Not a Short One.

     This one may be a long entry. Our trip started on Sunday December 23rd to the Ukraine from Oklahoma City.  The two little girls in the house were definitely way more excited than Liz and I for the day and a half of traveling.   The plane rides went uneventful with the girls laughing all the way from Chicago to Germany while watching foreign Cartoons.  The biggest hiccup on our journey on the way there was the Fast Train or the lack of.   After a full day of flying we get straight off the plane to get on a train.  We chose to travel via the fast train as it has working restrooms, it does not smell like a cattle processing facility, and it takes half the time.   Once we show up at the train station we find out that the train is broken and they will be placing us on another train.   The facilitator in Kiev looks at us very seriously and tells us that this is very bad. The word he actually used is it was going to be awful.  The train pulls in and in regular Ukraine fashion people start a stampede to cars as now there are no assigned seats.  It was every person for themselves, and they have no qualms trampling kids in the process.   The first car instantly fills up, so we some how luck into our own personal compartment on the second car.  This was the only thing we luck into on this train.   The car we ended up in has no lights, no heat, no working bathroom, and smells like we are in a porta potty.   It is -20 outside so we break into the suitcases and put all the Ski type clothes we have on immediately.  We finally arrive at our destination to exit the train in near blizzard type snow fall.  We now have 100 kilometers to travel to our apartment from the train station.   Our driver proceeds to drive 100-130km/hr (62-75mph) in these awesome conditions.  The only way to cope with it was to just go to sleep.  We finally arrive at our apartment around 2am Christmas day.  Fairly exhausting trip, but the girls were high as a kite and ready to go get Masha on Christmas.
    The reunion on Christmas Day with Masha went just as I had pictured in my mind. I knew the second she saw my girls the lighthearted fun loving Masha would appear, and it did.  Big happy tears appeared and Keira and Carley were attached to her hip for the rest of the trip.  Every time I see her interactions with the girls it reinforces the feeling we are doing the right thing.  I am positive she is more concerned with the girls feelings and emotions than anyone else in the house, which is just fine with me.
    The court date was covered in the last blog, so we'll just move on to some Ukrainian culture.  December 28th is Masha's best friend Tanya's birthday.  We were invited over for a small celebration and dinner.   The food was definitely a Ukrainian dinner and if you know my meat only diet most the food was not for me.  The most difficult part of making it through the evening was the number of toasts and what they use to toast with.   Every couple says a toast to the birthday girl and after every toast a shot of vodka is drank by everyone at the table.   I was basically done after the we got through the first line of toasts.  Liz was very good at faking her way through it. I just went along with the festivities.  It definitely made the language barrier way less stressful at least.
     New Year Day or S Novym Godom in Ukraine could be a blog post in itself. New Year is their biggest holiday celebration of the year.  When Masha stayed with us for hosting she was very displeased with our lack of doing anything for New Years other than staying up late, eating cookies, and watching TV fireworks.   Now I know why.  Everyone and I mean everyone in Ukraine appears to celebrate the New Year much like Christians celebrate Christmas other than they have fireworks that go off all night long and into the next day.   The town square was like a huge tailgating party with everyone having a spread of food and spirits to keep the night going.  Music and DJs kept the crowd awake with American music being the biggest hit.  It was awesome to hear Bon Jovi sang with a Russian accent by the crowd.   The actual day of New Year we were again invited over to Masha's friend's house to  have another meal. I declined all alcohol this time around.  I assume it was a traditional meal like Turkey is for us for Thanksgiving.  Again, I can not say I enjoyed most the food, but how much effort put into the preparation was impressive.  This particular home was like stepping back into the 50s.  The men set around the table watching TV while the women spent the time in the Kitchen I am pretty sure making fun of the men.  I had to glance at Liz several times as the Dad barked orders to the wife knowing that definitely would not fly in our house.  The family that hosted us for New Years was a Godsend while we were there, and we are very thankful for the hospitality.
     The next day the girls and I had to leave with heavy hearts.  Again it was a brutal 2 days of travel.  The girls and I got on the nice train at 5pm the 2nd to head to Kiev.  We slept in the airport  and got back on a plane at 6am the morning of the 3rd.  We flew from Kiev, Ukraine to Frankfurt, Germany to Washington D.C, and then finally home to Oklahoma City.  The trip home went smooth as possible despite my anxiety until we hit U.S. soil.  We already had a 4 hour layover in DC that turned into 6.5 hours due to flight delays.  Then on the decent into the Oklahoma City Airport the ride gets very bumpy causing Keira to loses it, and she proceeds to vomit all over herself, our carry-ons, and of coarse me.  We finally land around 8:30 that evening, and are home in bed by 9:30.
     Now for the hard part.   Liz and Masha are stuck in Ukraine for 2 more weeks from today due to technicalities with the process.  So far everything has gone as it should, but the Ukraine Government shuts down from Jan. 1-8 so nothing can be done until it opens back up.   I would love to complain about being home by myself without the person I love most in the world, but I have the easy part.  I am in my nice cozy home with my 2 little girls where we have no limitations on what we want to do.  Liz is stuck in a tiny stinky apartment, without good transportation, with terrible food, in a place where communication is difficult at best, and she worries and misses her other two girls terribly.  I know if anyone can make the best out of the situation it is Liz.  She has the amazing ability to turn anything into an adventure.  I am praying daily for my two girls stuck in another country that they will be home soon in the comfort of our home forever.     
    

Faith allows things to happen. It is the power that comes from a fearless heart. And when a fearless heart believes, miracles happen.

    I start with a Faith quote, because that is what brought us here today.  Two weeks before our first trip to Ukraine Liz and I were broken and ready to call it all off.  We finally got the strength to sit our girls down and discuss that we were going to give up our attempts to get Masha.  There were tears and disbelief that we would give up.  (We preach daily to never give up regardless of the reason) Carley at the end of the conversation said she would pray and we would be going to see Masha for Christmas.  I assured her it was over and final even after her comment.  She looked at me as serious as Carley can be, and she told me she was still going to pray and we would be seeing Masha for Christmas.  Her faith even then rattled me as it was so confident, and I was afraid that she would be crushed when we did not proceed.  The next week she spent every night praying at bedtime that we would get Masha on Christmas.  Then somehow everything that was in disarray just seemed to right itself, so Liz and I took off on our first trip to Ukraine that you have already read about.  After returning all we had to do is bid our time for the court date to go back.  A week and a half later we get our court date of December 26th, but we picked Masha up on Christmas Day and have had her since.  I have no doubt the events unfolded like they did because of one 8 year old's childlike powerful faith.
     Today was court day.  The start of the day was filled with mixed emotions; nervousness, doubt, happiness, fear of sadness, and under all that shear excitement for what could be.  Court consisted of two jurors, judge, prosecuting attorney, ophanage representative, our translator, Masha, and our family.  Normal questions were asked of us that one would expect when adopting.  I could elaborate so much more, but this would become a novel.  Then it was Masha's turn, and our turn to fight back tears with her answer.  She described our family as something out of her dreams that she did not even know could actually exist.  Masha's words for Liz and my girls did bring me to the brink of tears, and I think I would have lost it if  they continued with the current line of questioning.  Finally they got to the real question, "Do you Masha, want to be Masha Nicole Atchley forever?"  Her answer was an immediate yes without hesitation, however just like us I can see the fear of the unknown in her eyes.  We have discussed each one of those fears, but she has never known the unconditional love of a family that will not abandon her.  She is about to embark on a great adventure into the unknown with people that say they love her, but in essence know very little of her.  I like to again think of it as an incredible leap of Faith though I know there are many factors in her decision.   The sense I get from her today is she is happy for what lies ahead of her, but scared to leave everything she has ever known behind.


PS. I will add the adventurers of 3 days of traveling with two little ones on a future blog.  Let's put it this way if travel could be worse I don't know how.  The girls never once moaned groaned no matter how bad it got.

Day 3 & 4 Reunited

     Day 3 in Ukraine we thought would be a complete waste because we had to wait on permission to travel to Masha's region until late in the evening.  We could not have been more wrong.  Nastya our facilitator sent us a guide to give us a tour of Kiev.  This young lady, Masha, gave us an incredible tour of the city with an in depth account of the 1500 year history of  Kiev, Ukraine.  Usually I am not a big history buff, but she held both of our attentions throughout the day.  The highlight of the tour was the Catacombs at the Kiev Monastary. Walking through the caves with the caskets and the religious symbols was very Indiana Jonesish.   The tour was soon over and we were on to what we heard was the dreaded train ride to Masha.   I thought every one was crazy at first, because the cabin was not bad, I didn't mind the loud rocking of the train, and I've been in worse bathrooms at football games.  Then two hours into the ride I was awaken by sauna like temperatures in our cabin.   There was absolutely no way to turn it down or off, so the temp just kept rising.  We resorted to opening the cabin door just to be met by more heat. I'm pretty sure it was almost hot enough to crack an egg and cook it on the floor.  Liz and I rode in complete misery for the next 7 hours.  I will now agree with everyone the train is just flat awful.
     Day 4 was the day we finally got to see Masha.  The reunion could not have gone better.  We got big smiles and huge hugs.  The director got right to business asking Masha if she was ready to sign her letter of intent.  There was no hesitation in her answer of да.  We then spent the rest of the morning at the orphanage while the facilitator started all the paperwork, and the afternoon running around the small town getting more signatures, copies, and notaries.  Masha got to spend the entire day with us while we did the paperwork, but it really ate into the quality time we got to spend with her.  Unfortunately our time was short with her and we had to board a different more comfortable train back to Kiev to make our flight home.  We are currently sitting in the Kiev airport getting ready to start our journey home.   We are praying that we have the shortest waiting period for our court date, so that we can bring the girls with us.   Things are looking good right now as our facilitator was able to get every signature he needed in one day, which usually takes 3-4.  He will submit our paperwork the first of next week then it will just be waiting for the court date to come.  Following that court appearance Masha officially becomes our daughter.

Day 2 Ministry of Magic Appointment.

     Day 2, appointment day, or first of 3 D days.  Today is the first day we actually accomplished something for real.  We met with the State Department of Adoption/SDA/Ministry of Magic.  This is where you set down with Ukraine officials select Masha, tell a little about yourself, and hear Masha's psychosocial and physical status.  I will have to say Liz quite impressed me with her Russian as she answered questions directly to the lady helping us without the translator.  I think it also put the official at ease because at first she appeared uptight and tense.  That seemed to change with a little effort from Liz to speak the language.  We also had to present a photo album, which they looked through every page and asked many questions.  After the interrogation we were told to come back the next day for approval to go down to see Masha.  Not sure why it takes a whole day, but it looks like we will finally see Masha on Friday after being here the entire week.  Tomorrow we will go on a 10-12 hour train ride to see our girl.
     Riding our high from a successful appointment Liz and I set out on foot around Kiev.  We probably covered a solid 10 miles of walking.  This place is truly a shopping girls paradise.  I thank God we only have so much room in our suit cases, because I think Liz has seen a million pairs of boots she would buy.  We ended up again eating something not very adventurous and settled on Pizza.  We did however eat dessert at a coffe shop and had some nice coffee and cheesecake.   I was feeling pretty good following the coffee and really tried to get Liz to head to a club and go dancing, but was completely unsuccessful.  She was worried how it would be perceived.   I was thinking it would be a good way to experience more of the culture myself.  Instead we came back to the apartment, she put on her flannel pajamas, watched it pour down snow, and now we are going to sleep.